I just want to sleep all day, but I can’t fall asleep.

16:31 Detroit: become human

I bought a game from Steam, and I heard that it is very amusing.

22:44 Watch K-POP: Demon Hunter

At first, I didn’t like this movie, especially the type and the style. But I found that the cover I saw knew its songs very popular. After watching, it’s really a nice movie.

22:48 Watch How to Train Dragons: The Hidden World

A nice movie, it made me calm down and feel relaxed.

And I found that I can understand a movie without Chinese; I am getting more and more familiar with English.

The information from cellphones always makes me feel dizzy and eye-hurt.

22:51 Bitter gourd stewed pork ribs

Not bad, I cooked it while watching movies, for tomorrow’s lunch.

And I had a KFC with a nice offer, and bought some groceries from Safeway.

We feel happy if our tummy is satisfied.

22:43 Take a shower

Felt more awake

23:40

andn

In the afternoon, I decided to do some assignments. It’s so tough.

21:35 Dizzy

I’ve been looking at my phone for too long; I even get dizzy now.

23:59 Mail to Amir

Writing project phase 1 to part C4.

I didn’t even step out the door today. At noon, I boiled the green beans that I bought from T&T as lunch, and fried rice as dinner.

I studied English grammar for a while. I am getting lazier and more.

Recording a diary in real-time is better than writing many diaries at once.

Divergence

ZJ came back home with a lot of things he bought, but he said that the things I didn’t need would split the bill, because all the things were what he wanted.

It’s okay, maybe we can buy ourselves food in the future. Undoubtedly, this is a good thing for me. However, the relationship between us made me upset.

16:08 Bored

I need to make more friends in Edmonton; otherwise, life is so boring. Days repeat day by day is not what I want.

22:24 Preparing to go to sleep

I washed my dirty clothes in the afternoon. It is unnecessary to use a washing machine if I don’t have too many clothes.

I wanted to make pork stewed with vermicelli for tomorrow’s lunch; however, ZJ ate it with me, and he made the pasta for me for tomorrow.

I spent too much time on Wild Drift (lolm foreign version), and it is naive that I wanted to learn English from this game.

I woke up early, and then I continue sleep again. I cooked noodles with some vegetables as lunch for us.

In the afternoon, I decided to go to the T&T supermarket to buy some grocery and some food. I don’t want to do anything while I am alone.

In the evening, I wanted to have a look for assignment of sensor course. I found that this assignment was very interesting, though it had a little difficult. To finish this assignment, there are a lot of programming skills and computer skills what I really am good at.

I hope I can get the excellent grade in this course.

Come on!

Near noon, I cooked some pasta, added my twice-cooked pork ,and brought it to school to study for a while. Reviewed the class PPT again, tried to guess the teacher’s intentions for the assignment questions, and wrote a rough outline.

In the afternoon, I came back and made beef fried rice. It was really delicious. Then I took a shower and washed my dirty socks and clothes.

I thought about going to the gym to have a look. I kind of wanted to go swimming, but I didn’t have the gear. While chat with Huan, it turned out she was just about to buy it for me.

That’s great!

这一路来非常感动，脑海里突然浮现出了张学友唱的一路上有你。想着放给小欢欢听，发现学友哥哪里能表达出我的情绪嘛，我又自己唱了一遍，小欢欢的眼泪又悄悄落下来了。

我们一起乘坐酒店送机的车子到机场。这是我第一次坐飞机，心理还是有点紧张的。

看到自助值机的机器，发现怎么都识别不到我证件相关的机票，我开始慌了。

赶忙问工作人员，说有行李直接去柜台，我赶紧排了个急客通道。结果柜台也查不到我的航班信息，身份证和护照都不行。彻底慌了，我脑子里已经开始想各种可能的问题以及结果。

几分钟后，我赶忙把行程单拿给工作人员看，查了大约一分钟后，终于出票了。悬着的石头终于落了。

然后到安检口我就和小欢欢分别了，我并没有小欢欢那般难过，因为我还要赶着熟悉接下来的流程；还有另外一个原因就是我们已经提前好久做了心理准备。

安检完毕，等待乘坐我人生的第一趟飞机，吉祥航空。

还是比较新奇的，尤其是穿过云层的那一刹那。只不过这种惊奇持续不了多久，身体上的疲惫就开始显现。

10 点就到了上海，第一次到上海。网络因为限速给我造成了较大的困难。无法在线值机，值机窗口要十二点半才开。

想着可能吃完会比较晚，还是要吃一碗面。一碗面加一杯柠檬水 98，也算是感受了一波沪币的震撼。

给小欢欢打了视频。不久后顺利值机。

看到中国海关和中国出入境管理的关卡，内心还是有些担心的，担心解除备案手续可能还没完成。不过好在一切顺利，出入境工作人员和我说再见，我也说再见。此刻，我已经走出国门了。

坐飞机并不是很害怕，因为我知道害怕没用，哪怕有突然剧烈的颠簸。

英语太差，想喝牛奶点了一罐啤酒

我怀疑乘务员把我的 milk 听成了 bear，发现她听错了，我中文赶紧过来补救：这个。“这个”则变成了 lager。最终我获得了一罐 lager 啤酒。

EMMM，也还好，就是口语和听力要多练。发现自己也不够自信，不大敢和人交流。后面尝试要了冰块，尝试自己去找垃圾位置扔了垃圾。

20:27 现在飞到太平洋上空了

怎么也睡不着觉，干脆补一下日记吧。

13:41 终于冷静下来

现在在候机AC240，身上的汗刚刚才干了一些。

刚刚转机出现很多意料之外的情况，语言不通畅会造成相当多的问题。今天是一个粗鲁的人，无知的人，粗心的人。

一开始不知道要去immigration办大签，走到出口，才手机翻译找到另外一个人告知我要跟着immigration走。

提取到行李办大签的时候，officer说她follow一下另外一个人，我以为我也要follow，结果走到其他人的窗口，说我要干啥？哈哈。这边流行一种等待叫号的文化，哪怕只有你一个人，你也需要先在正确的地方坐好，等人家叫你再行动。

无知则是对于文化的不了解，对于语言的不熟悉。好多人说话我都听不懂，更生怕自己说的别人听不懂。但是行程不可能推迟或者逃避，只能硬着头皮上。

最粗心的事情莫过于把大签弄丢了。过了安检，然后去找登机口，找到登机口才发现自己的大签不在了。我赶忙跑回去，跑了一身汗特别慌张。安检人员告知我放松，然后说大签的重要性。

最终他们帮我找回了我的大签，然后还一直强调要我把大签放包里面，不要拿出来。我一个劲的感谢，心里一边骂自己。

14:48 登上第三程飞机了

想和小欢欢发好多消息，但是怕吵醒她。以后睡觉都要调成勿扰模式才好了。

做了一天飞机，累的不行。

今天早上起来把保险一起看了，租房算是告一段落了。

中午下雨又没带我妈出去玩，每天都在等待，浑浑噩噩。

小欢欢下班来找我了。我们一起去吃了 39 元的自助烧烤，雨一直下，有些烦。

我们走路回家，到出租屋的时候已经快 12 点了。

在小红书上加了一个好友，今天一大早就和他打视频租房子。煮了个玉米，看了好多候选的，租房子还是挺难的。

环境，交通，租金，设施，很难两全其美。

本来准备带我妈出去玩的，结果我妈刚约好我二姨妈，就下雨了。停留片刻，将车开回停车场。回出租屋躺着了。

妈妈给了我一块肉，切了一些炒了土豆回锅肉盖饭，好吃。

看了一早上的手机，联系了好多人。发现好地段的房子确实比较难找，其他的要么远，要么价格和定位不匹配。

云霆师兄说他离职了，后面叫一个斯里兰卡的师弟带我 check in。很慌张，签证进度也比较慢。

中午差点没有睡着，数着呼吸睡着了。想着其实也不必慌，大不了先随便租着一个。

哥哥叫我开车带妈妈出去玩，睡醒午觉下雨了，便作罢了。

20:49 白鹤公园里面石头上坐着

现在在白鹤公园，旁边是跳广场舞的大妈们，大妈们的旁边是两眼直勾勾看着的我妈。

她想跳但是并不好意思跳，我也不管。虽然我也不好意思，但是好在我并不喜欢。她看到队伍后面有个人站着和人家聊天去了

快中午出去进了一些货，买了米，鸡蛋，猪板油，玉米，白菜，还有半只烤鸭。这家烤鸭店半只烤鸭就要 38 元，一开始我还觉得很贵；直到老板给我片了鸭皮，将带有骨头的炸了拌，然后配上面饼、甜酱、黄瓜大葱丝。瞬间就值这个价了，不过一个人吃半只还是比较多。洗了脏袜子和鞋子，炼了猪油，准备睡午觉了。

下午测试 obsidian 1.9.10 版本的 bases 功能时，发现自己七月好几篇日记没有记录完整。花了一个小时来记录，如果没有任何线索的话，是不可能记得上个月某一天的事情的。好在每天都有和小欢欢聊天，能够从聊天记录捡起一些些线索。

今天早上收到短信说签证开始受理了，应该快了，接下来就是租房、订票，和前单位打交道了。还是有点焦虑，毕竟还没正儿八经的租过房子。

早上去拿了快递，试了试小欢欢给我买的羽绒服。还是 M 码要更合适一些，于是联系顺丰退了。

中午去吃了酸汤鱼粉，正是中午下班时间，人太多了。我天真的以为会很快，然而并没有。

等了快一个小时，然后老板还给我后面的人先做了，给我鱼泡煮少了一个。体验非常不愉快，心里很生气。下次再也不人多的时候去了。

下午打电话联系收废品的，把我的塑料瓶子拿去卖了。只卖了 13.4 块钱。我觉得这些东西以后还是扔了比较好，留着难得折腾。

卖完瓶子，我马上坐着 5 路公交去工商银行，准备把我新办的信用卡激活。刚好卡着下班的点激活了。

回来的路上完成了首刷，买了杯柠檬水，只付了 1 分钱。卡能够正常使用就好。

晚饭吃了玉米和火鸡面，不大像自己煮饭，不过不吃饭感觉还是不大行，尤其没有冰箱，保存不了蔬菜。

明天还是去超市买一点点米吧。

然后一早上开始帮小欢欢着急护照的事情，很想叫她赶紧把护照办好，以后的联系就能够更方便些。

中午吃完酸汤鱼粉回来，自己给自己剪了头发。发现没有想象中那么难，就是左手有点不大跟脑子。

然后下午去农行、建行激活了对应的银行卡，为以后可能要用到做好工作，虽然大概率可能用不到，但就怕万一，多留一些信用额度也是好的。

弄好回来把脏碗筷洗了，时间就差不多了。雨下得特别大，穿着洞洞鞋，撑着伞去坐一路公交接小欢欢。在车上突然想吃手枪腿了，于是在闲鱼上花了十三块钱买了一个。

我在德克士避雨，等小欢欢来手枪腿差不多好了。两个人一起吃就会美味加倍，很奇怪。然后我们走着光着，小欢欢想吃香辣虾，我想加加点螃蟹，就点了一个虾蟹大战的套餐。味道还不错，就是量有些少。不过吃其他的也吃饱了。

见面就很幸福！

中午去吃了酸汤鱼粉，点了大碗的，还加了鱼翅。吃太撑了。这里的一个鱼翅 5 元一碗，一碗有 10 个鱼翅。每个鱼翅的重量都能够给其他家单独卖一碗鱼粉了。

午觉也没怎么睡，又是继续玩手机。到四点过的时候，收到了登录 IRCC 看收到了 OPR。赶紧对照着签证中心所需的文件，叫了顺丰小哥来给我寄过去。

一步一步走来，八九不离十了。看似非常不容易，实则也非常不容易。这个世界给穷人的所制造的障碍和挑战太多了。

可以马上着手计划下一步了。

焦虑稍微好了一点，但是还是焦虑。完完全全的踏出自己的舒适区应该会是一件很令人痛苦的事情。

还好有小欢欢和家人的关怀和支持，爱你们。

然后开始刷手机，学习英语，看短视频。短视频真是害人，我发现我蹲坑的时候如果打开短视频，就不能拉得很顺畅，而且会有点头疼。

中午继续煮了冒烤鸭拌面吃，放了点黄瓜好吃多了。

下午打了两把游戏，然后去把快递拿了。最后一次出去再次查了 IRCC，发现居然收到了 Correspondence Letter（根据网友的经验，收到这个大概率马上就能收到贴签信了）。突然有了点盼头，想着出去走走，便打电话给妈妈叫她来拿她的衣服。

于是和她散步，走了好久。中途妈妈说口渴了嗓子难受，想喝水。一直没有碰到卖水的，走到蜜雪冰城，给她买了一杯常温的五分糖的柠檬水。她一开还嫌多，叫我喝一半，我没喝。她走着走着突然发现就喝完了，感觉她还挺喜欢的。

回来的路上给小欢欢打电话，想吃一串豆腐皮，但是想着还有面包，就没买。试了小欢欢给买的羽绒服，感觉质量挺好的，就是太贵了，有点舍不得。

一直以来学英语总是断断续续的，每天都只是一小点。但最近突然发现自己面对较长的文档也能静下来较为流畅的看懂了。

在电脑上刷视频看到夏冰雹新发的视频，没点开之前还想着会有一些广告私货啥的。看完后发现都是她自己的分享，他的理念我还挺赞同的，只是好像自己都没有做到。

1. 早睡，保持充足的睡眠
2. 运动，多接触大自然，保持适度运动
3. 避免超加工十五，尽量吃食物原本的样子
4. 利用好每天专注力好的时间段，一天刚开始的时候

我马上打开 IRCC 的官网差签证，不出意外的继续没有任何消息，于是叫 ChatGPT 协助我写了一封信件通过 Webform 提交给 IRCC 了。

周末小欢欢给我带了两个面包，再不吃就要坏了，于是中午我就吃的面包。

下午学了会儿多邻国后，开始打游戏，游戏能够轻而易举地暂时忽略焦虑的感觉。这点还挺好的，就是打多了眼睛痛，游戏也变得无聊了。

晚上煮了番茄鸡蛋面，吃完又开始学多邻国，打游戏。

无法掌控的焦虑让人堕落……

我曾经也有同样的想法，而且还不止一次，却没有一次付诸行动。比如开发网站让人们互相鼓励好好生活，比如买了相机去给到各地大家拍照。

还有更多时候是感慨，哀民生之多艰，却只能无能为力。总觉得自己没有能力，没有精力和金钱。可动起来迈一步就已经是前进一步。

晚上带小欢欢去吃了羊肉串，没有馕了，后面才发现美团上面便宜很多，亏大了，难受。

忘记记录了今天，还是补一补

早上小欢欢提醒我帮抢五月天的票，圈钱的事情还是比较好抢的，他们自己抢到了。

然后随心点着点到 QQ 空间了，去飞哥的空间逛了一圈，还挺好玩的，只是感叹时光太匆匆了。

中午去吃了鹅肉粉，超级好吃，还比较清爽，周末又带小欢欢来吃。

签证一直不出来又是，有点焦虑。晚上吃水煮茄子拌面。

然后和朋友打游戏打到很晚。

早上学习了多邻国，达到了 100 分的水平，但是听说能力还是很有欠缺。

中午打了两把游戏，吃了茄子烩面，下午又玩了好久的手机。

发现自己的自制力好差，记忆力也很差。昨天洗的衣服也忘记晾了。

和朋友一起打游戏还是挺快乐的，可是自己总是很菜。

出去吃了碗酸汤鱼粉，还挺好吃的。

软件安装到机械硬盘还是有些慢，尤其是常用的软件，还是安装到固态硬盘比较好。所以我把我的 Obsidian 迁移到 C 盘了。

查询了下签证还是啥消息都没有，这也太慢了，让人等待得无语。

关于挣钱

想起上周六的时候，和小欢欢去吃烤鱼，买的鲜榨橙汁。卖橙汁的是一对 01 年的小夫妻，他们是过来这边避暑的。短租了几个月，同时开始摆摊挣钱。成本也非常的简单，就一个收押的机器，一个小桌子，一天两三百也没有问题。
然后开始想到我最近突然想起来，想去跑外卖。但是外卖的这个装备就比这个困难多了，电动车这些装备成本比较高。
于是我得出一个结论，如果只是想糊口的话。只要肯出来，那么就一定饿不死。

今天上午学习多邻国把中级英语学习到了 75 分,然后继续完善同步错题的脚本，现在可以比较方便的，能够正常使用了。

早上给小欢欢点完外卖，然后我给自己点了一个炸鸡腿。我并没有吃完，中午的时候切了一些，再加上一些包菜，然后做成了一个烤肉拌饭的样子，还挺好吃的。

中午准备睡觉，很困，但是没有睡着，于是起来继续完善优化脚本。打了两把游戏，玩着手机，不知不觉就到下午了。煮了一碗面吃，然后开始学习多邻国。

晚上叫朋友们一起打了三把英雄联盟手游，和朋友一起玩，还挺好玩的。

睡觉是心灵充电的方式，人与机械的差别就在于此。

刚刚睡醒午觉，太舒服了。早上洗了澡，学习多邻国，慢慢悠悠的捡豆，准备午饭，然后中午打了一把游戏。

17:28 玩了一下午的手机

打了一个小时，刷了一个小时的视频，一个下午就这样荒废了。很想把王者荣耀卸载了，觉得没有什么意思，但是真的想着没意思的话，那我不玩就好了。

23:33 写了一个脚本

折腾了一下午，加一个晚上

写了一个脚本，用于将多邻国上填写错误的题目直接导出到anki中。本来还想适配其他题目的，但是想着其他题目比较简单，也没有必要，而且适配比较复杂，就这样吧。

对了，今天凌晨的时候打游戏到两点半。

自从开始慢慢的接触抖音后，对其他事情很难提起兴趣。有有一点点碎片化的时间，就不自觉的打开抖音开始将这碎片化的时间填满。

11:00 通过快捷方式快速记录当下

通过URL实现了快速访问obsidian和quickadd的功能，实现了快速记录当下的功能

15:38 打了三把王者荣耀

现在才大概明白一局游戏赢的关键，那就是认清自己的定位，做好自己角色所能做的事情。

着眼于全局而不是屏幕当前的视野，用动态和换位的思想来预判分析，只要队友不是特别离谱，那大概率能成功。

23:49 上床

在多邻国上学习了一会儿英语，又打了几把游戏。小欢欢他们领导在下班时间召集他们开会，开到很晚才回来，真的是太无语了。

小欢欢还把她的安卓手机弄丢了。

然后白天就是开始补觉，熬夜还是非常的伤人，脸上长了好大一个痘痘。

不过第一次感受到团队游戏的魅力，凌晨的游戏玩家都是具有较高技术水平和职业素养的。

空闲时间学习了下多邻国。

昨天凌晨和小欢欢说晚安之后，又叫飞哥打游戏，打到两点钟。今天早上起床之后又叫飞哥打游戏，下午又继续打，相当于打了一整天的游戏。

下午小欢欢下班比较累，打电话过来，我刚刚开始了一局游戏。我想静静的听他诉说完这些事情，没想到王者荣耀的惩罚机制现在太过于变态了。挂机了几分钟就直接把我踢出游戏，并且判定为失败。

无所谓了，游戏而已。

小欢欢说想吃素瓜豆，我赶忙去菜市场买了新鲜的小瓜和金豆。煮好了之后赶紧坐上公交车来到龙城广场来接她。我们都想珍惜好每一分钟可以相聚的时间，太难得了。

见到小欢欢以后，我们走到人民广场的时候，突然想看到对面的炸鸡，想吃一份，然后我们就去买了，就坐在路边吃，炸的一份脆皮藕特别好吃，其他的一般。

吃的时候内心突然涌出一股特别幸福的感觉，平平淡淡的，又特别难得。

关键是游戏也一直输，似乎人和人的差距，只有在打游戏的时候才是比较公平的，能够体现出来。因为抛开了外部环境的一些固有阶级所带来的其他东西。

人的平凡就如同游戏，输输赢赢。

签证的结果也一直没有出来，焦虑不安，需要置办的东西和那边的房子也没有租，也没有寻找伙伴，也没有给老师汇报。

下午和飞哥打了会儿游戏，一整天都吃的炸粑粑，有点上火了。下午去外卖买了些黄瓜和小瓜，还去超市买了些零碎吃的。

给爸爸买了风扇，学习量房画图，修改找到的模板给欢欢画了平面布置图。

对了，单位一直在催护照这个事情，很无奈，但是签证没办好就肯定还不了。

中午吃了豆米盖饭，下午去哥哥家，晚上和妈妈一起逛街。小欢欢在南昌玩，她借了个充电宝，一直找不到怎么还。她一直在焦虑，而我却有点厌烦。我总觉得看看充电宝上面的字就能知道该还哪儿了。

因为这个事情我们还说到很晚。

——2025 年 8 月 19 补记录（我总觉得我记录了，今天整理才发现并没有）

By leveraging voice-to-text technology, we can speed up the process of writing blogs. Additionally, using voice input to document our lives can also train our brains, making our thinking more logical and enabling us to express ourselves freely. Moving forward, I’ll strive to use voice input daily to record my life.

Domestic software’s Chinese voice recognition technology is indeed much better than foreign alternatives, especially apps like Sogou Input, Baidu Input, and iFlytek Input. This very paragraph was created using Sogou Input’s voice-to-text feature. I’ll try to maintain this method for documenting life in the future, while also reducing pauses in my thinking and improving the fluency of my thoughts.

15:51 Modern Systems Keep Getting Worse with Updates

Today, I spent a long time trying to figure out how to quickly switch input methods via the notification panel. This feature has always existed in previous systems, but after upgrading to HyperOS 2, it disappeared. As a result, switching between input methods—especially third-party ones like WeChat Input—has become extremely cumbersome. Even with full-screen optimization enabled and setting a shortcut key for quick input method switching, it still won’t switch to third-party input methods. It’s incredibly frustrating, and after a lot of effort, I still couldn’t find a solution.

16:46 Temporarily Solved the Input Method Switching Issue

I downloaded a “Keyboard Switch” app and pinned it as a tile in the control center, which now allows for relatively convenient input method switching.

Additionally, voice input seems more convenient with Baidu Input because its voice recognition interface supports commands like “delete” or “enter.” It also has a long-text input capability, but to train my thought fluency, I turned it off and didn’t enable long-text input.

Another concern is privacy with domestic input methods. It’s quite significant—especially when you type certain keywords, and it recommends stickers or other apps. Everything we input is collected by these apps. So, I’d rather trust foreign input methods like Google’s and avoid entering sensitive data with domestic ones.

It’s also necessary to enable MIUI’s secure keyboard, especially when entering passwords or usernames.

22:16 Went for a Walk with Mom and Just Got Back

I unintentionally fell asleep on the bed and woke up feeling groggy, with a very full stomach, so I thought I’d go out for a walk. Just as I stepped out of the community, Mom called and asked if I wanted to join her for a walk. I agreed and went to meet her.

Along the way, I taught her how to shop smarter. She wanted to buy a spray cleaner for the range hood, but I told her it might be cheaper online. To give her firsthand experience, I took her to a physical store to buy it while also checking the price online. Unsurprisingly, the online price was 5 yuan cheaper—and this was just for a 20-yuan item.

I also set up a “Family Card” for her, which gives her a monthly allowance of 300 yuan deducted directly from my Alipay account. Learning to shop online can really save money.

Additionally, I canceled her mobile plan’s 5-yuan “membership” and 2-yuan “Local Friends Network” fees—unaware that she had been paying for them for so many months.

The morning passed by without accomplishing much. In the afternoon, I thought about brushing up on my English, so I downloaded Duolingo again. To my surprise, Duolingo now offers courses in music and math, which I found quite interesting.

In the evening, I went out and bought three pounds of eggs and a little over a pound of ground meat. After returning home, I stir-fried the ground meat with shiitake mushrooms to enjoy slowly later. Eggs are about the same price as some vegetables, making them the most cost-effective source of protein for people with lower incomes.

Took the bus back to Kunming to prepare for my visa application. After getting off the subway, Da Huang picked me up on his bike.

Then we went to a barbecue stall and had fried rice, oysters, and small yellow croakers.

I used to have a bad habit—I loved frequently updating systems and software. However, this often led to various issues, increased read/write operations on storage hardware (shortening its lifespan), and caused system problems due to update-related bugs.

Now, I’ve developed a slightly better habit: I’ve learned to coexist peacefully with update notifications. I no longer update unless absolutely necessary and no longer actively seek out new features—though I still keep an eye on the new functionalities introduced in updates.

For computer software, I try to manage as much as possible with Scoop, which makes system reinstallation and migration easier in the future. I added the kkzzhizhou_scoop-apps bucket, which slowed down the Scoop list retrieval. Ironically, this turned out to be a good thing in a way.

12:49 Overcoming Procrastination

Many people procrastinate endlessly, complaining that they lack motivation. But motivation actually comes from action. As long as you start doing something—anything that moves you toward your goal—you’ll find that motivation follows naturally.

So, when I face a daunting task, I break it down into smaller, simpler parts. At that point, my goal isn’t to complete the entire task but just to take action and make a tiny step forward.

12:51 A Prophecy Fulfilled

I fear that, in the future, substantive content in major media will gradually decline. Thirty-second clips will dominate, programs will cater to the lowest common denominator, and blind introductions to pseudoscience and superstition will proliferate—especially when ignorance is celebrated.

— Carl Sagan, renowned American science communicator. This was written in 1994.

15:00 A Walk in the Rain

I was still half-asleep from my afternoon nap when my mom called. She said she’d brought me some food and asked me to come downstairs to get it. After fetching the food and bringing it upstairs, I decided to walk her home and take a stroll along the way.

Mom mentioned that this time, when she left, little Ningning was especially reluctant to let her go, saying, “She’s Grandma’s person too.” It made me feel a little sad.

20:55 Tried Arc and Zen Browsers

Zen Browser is a Firefox-based fork of Arc. I quite like the design philosophies of both Arc and Zen—keeping frequently used links in different, easily accessible positions to create a more personalized browsing experience.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with insomnia—thinking about my visa, about Xiaohuanhuan, about family, about friends. I just can’t seem to control my mind.

02:35 Got Up to Cook Instant Noodles

Couldn’t sleep at all, so I thought about taking a melatonin pill. But I could clearly feel my stomach growling, and after watching Wu Banbao’s video, I decided to get up and cook a pack of instant noodles. Eating a bit more might help me sleep better anyway. Took the pill afterward and got ready to sleep.

10:08 Went to Bank of China for Business

Worried that CSC might fail to re-export my documents, I woke up early and rushed to Bank of China to update my personal information. After that, I activated the card issued by my undergrad school and also applied for a new BOC Global Elite Mastercard in Canadian dollars.

After finishing at the bank, I went to the supermarket and bought some beef and other vegetables. When I saw the sweet corn, I remembered the huge corn Xiaohuanhuan and I ate in Baiyun District, so I grabbed three more.

When I got back, I emailed CSC to ask them to re-export my documents, but it doesn’t seem to have made much difference.

17:07 Tidied Up My Room

Having lived here for a few months, I realized this little nest of mine has gotten messier and messier. It was so messy I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I spent some time cleaning up today. It’s slightly better now.

17:21 Optimized Obsidian Layout

Using the Commander plugin, I integrated frequently used commands into the sidebar and status bar. Now, adding notes or translating articles is much more convenient.

22:40 Overate

First time trying to cook beef with jumbo shrimp—it turned out incredibly delicious, so much so that I couldn’t stop eating. But there’s still room for improvement: the beef should have been lightly stir-fried at low heat first instead of being tossed directly into the wok after sautéing the aromatics.

I also had a big bowl of rice in the afternoon…

But I kept procrastinating until the afternoon, and then it was too late. I’ll go on Monday to get it done, and I might as well get the medical checkup done at the same time.

In the afternoon, I played games with Brother Fei all day and lost every match. We were both confused yet somehow content.

Finished the Client Information in the morning and filled out all the required forms in the afternoon. Also, I found a translation company on Taobao to translate my ID card and no-criminal record certificate for 50 yuan.

17:37 Materials Almost Ready

My eyes feel a bit strained from staring at the computer for too long. Planning to cook dinner—golden beans and potatoes tonight—and also give Fei Ge a call.

A lot of my fear and anxiety stem from unfamiliarity and lack of understanding. At first, I was really nervous about the visa process, worried it would be extremely difficult. But once I actually started preparing, I realized it wasn’t as hard as I imagined. Although I haven’t submitted it yet and don’t know whether it’ll be approved, the initial fear and anxiety have faded.

20:20 Finally Submitted the Visa Application

After carefully reviewing everything, I submitted the visa materials. Thankfully, Huanhuan helped me get a Visa credit card earlier, so the payment process went smoothly this time.

22:22 Played Honor of Kings with Fei Ge for Over an Hour

The matches are getting harder, and it’s easy to run into teammates with bad attitudes.

This morning, I connected with two friends on Xiaohongshu (Little Red Book). One is a senior already studying at the University of Alberta, and the other is a fellow student preparing to enroll this year, just like me.

I clarified my thoughts about the visa process and spent the morning gathering more information on Xiaohongshu. I also took photos for my visa application and was quite satisfied with how they turned out. After that, I started looking into the various forms I need to fill out, and before I knew it, the morning was gone.

In the afternoon, I suddenly felt drowsy and took a short nap. After waking up, I decided to go to the police station to apply for an ID card. First, I went to the Huangtupo Police Station, but they said I didn’t meet the requirements. So, I rushed to the Dewu Police Station and told them I needed a replacement ID. The officer directed me to a self-service photo booth. When the officer asked for my household registration booklet, I handed over my driver’s license instead. After that, I scanned a QR code to fill in the delivery address and made the payment. The whole process took less than five minutes.

On my way back, I bought some plums and waxberries and also made photocopies of my passport.

In the evening, I continued preparing my documents. My mom called and said my second uncle had picked a lot of loquats and sent them over. She offered to share some with me. After cooking and eating a bowl of noodles, I headed out. My mom was also walking toward me, and after we met, I walked her back home. She suggested we sit on a bench by the roadside for a while. We had just eaten two loquats when it suddenly started pouring. I quickly urged her to go back, while I took shelter under a pedestrian bridge. I called Feige during the downpour—originally planning to ask him to play a game—but the rain stopped shortly after.

After reluctantly saying goodbye to Huanhuan, I hurried back to Shuicheng. Still feeling quite hungry upon returning, I quickly cooked some rice and stir-fried two dishes to eat.

It seems the mouse that had sneaked into the room earlier is no longer around.

In the afternoon, I started emailing Professor Liu and the staff at the University of Alberta’s funding center and international center, asking why I hadn’t received certain emails and where to obtain the provincial attestation letter (PAL), among other things.

In the evening, I received a reply and finally joined the official CSC newcomers’ group. I then began preparing to fill out the visa application information on the IRCC website.

I’m particularly nervous about dealing with work-related matters—all the procedures and approvals—but I have no choice but to face them.

I reached out to former colleagues, mentors, and people involved in the relevant processes, chatting with them for a while. I’m also hoping to find time tomorrow to have a meal with them if possible.

In the afternoon, the Emergency Management Bureau asked me to write a voluntary waiver statement and required me to sign it in person. Since I might not be in Shuicheng much longer, I didn’t want to delay their work, so I took a taxi to the bureau. Surprisingly, the people there didn’t blame me at all—instead, they expressed admiration and support. We chatted for a bit, and they even helped me print out some documents.

On the way back, I called my mom, who invited me over for dinner. It had been a long time since I last ate her cooking, and it still had that familiar taste. It wasn’t necessarily gourmet-level, but it was comforting and made me feel warm inside.

In the evening, I talked with Huanhuan until 1 a.m., so I hurried to bed—I need to wake up early tomorrow.

In the morning, the Emergency Management Bureau called me to ask some questions, marking the beginning of the investigation phase.

In the evening, I suddenly learned that my CSC application had been approved, which immediately triggered my anxiety.

So I wrote a letter to my advisor explaining my worries: letter_202506182210.

What wasn’t mentioned in the letter was my reluctance to part with Huanhuan. Long-distance separation brings more pain to those in love, but it can also forge stronger support.

Just saw someone on Xiaohongshu say that the results for the CSC (China Scholarship Council) program in the Americas region have been released. I nervously checked immediately, but nothing yet. I’m still quite anxious—worried about the Emergency Management Bureau’s upcoming inspection, concerned that the Gui’an announcement might drop soon and schedule a physical exam, and now also stressing over the CSC results.

14:19 Can’t Stop Thinking About the War

Ever since learning about the military actions between Iran and Israel, I can’t help but constantly refresh social media for updates during my free time. Maybe it’s a survival instinct, but as an individual, I can only be a bystander, which somehow deepens my anxiety.

14:40 Persistent Anxiety

The only outcome that could relieve my anxiety is if the CSC gives me a “not approved” result. Even if I pass, I’ll still face other difficulties and choices, keeping the anxiety alive.

17:13 Played Games with Feige All Afternoon

I couldn’t focus on tasks that required high concentration, so I ended up gaming with Feige for the entire afternoon.

21:32 Went Out for a Walk in the Afternoon

After dinner, I felt stifled indoors and went out for a stroll. Bought two carrots and four pounds of potatoes.

21:59 Watched a Video

From a Pure Philosophical Perspective: What Is the Underlying Logic of Foolish People?

Learned about the concepts and distinctions between signifier and signified. I also agree with the teacher’s point that attitude is more of an ability—for example, humility isn’t just an attitude but an ability, and being perceptive isn’t an attitude but an ability.

Got up in the morning and cooked a big bowl of rice noodles. The noodles were bought yesterday, but since the weather is hot and they won’t keep for long, I decided to finish them all today. At noon, I cooked another big bowl and fried two eggs, ending up stuffed. I really should eat less in the future.

In the afternoon, I still didn’t do anything. I felt a bit anxious about the CSC results, the Emergency Management Bureau results, and the Gui’an results, so I checked them over and over again.

Later, I went out for a walk toward Baihe Park. I stopped by Mixue Ice Cream & Tea to buy a “Stir-Fresh Orange” drink, some lychees, a few fresh melons, and some dried tofu. Came back, made dinner, and ended up overeating again.

The fat on my face and body is visibly increasing—I need to consciously control it.

In the evening, I played a couple of games with Huanhuan.

The Vault folder was a bit messy, especially the Obsidian templates and project folders. Did a quick tidy-up and also added a reading log template to encourage myself to read more.

11:00 Feel pretty good

Today, my body feels fine with no discomfort, which has lifted my mood quite a bit. The courier called to notify me to pick up my ID card. After retrieving it, I strolled to the market and bought rice noodles, spinach, and cilantro. I ended up cooking too much rice noodles and ate until my stomach was bulging.

16:27 Read Zweig’s The Governess and Moonbeam Alley (Abandoned)

The reflection of human nature and the influence of societal norms in The Governess is not just a tragedy of that era. Similar things exist widely in any era. The two kind-hearted little girls might have been versions of ourselves in the past. Our attitude toward the world gradually turns indifferent simply because we’ve witnessed its coldness.

Both the English and Chinese translations of Moonbeam Alley are particularly obscure, and I think they’re poorly translated. I couldn’t get through it at all, so I gave up. That said, I do agree with the idea that factors like money, desire, and indifference can lead love to ruin. It’s not worth reading—whether the Chinese or English version—as it’s just a pile of flowery words.

21:12 Went Out for a Walk and Got a Haircut

The Fun Barber

I really cooked too much rice noodles today, but since I have a medical check-up tomorrow and then need to go to Guiyang, I forced myself to finish it all. Feeling overly full, I decided to go out for a walk and get a haircut along the way.

I figured that for job interviews, one’s appearance and demeanor are quite important. Hairstyle plays a big role in personal image, so even though my hair wasn’t very long, I thought I’d get a trim for the sake of interviews. The barber said the last cut was too short and didn’t look great, so she felt a bit awkward bringing it up, but I actually thought it looked fine. This barber has a great attitude and decent skills.

After the haircut, there were still a lot of loose hairs on my face, so the barber gave me a quick wash. When I asked how much it cost, she said 15 yuan. I said, “Thank you,” and she replied, “No, thank you.” I joked, “Now that my hair’s cut, I’m even more handsome.” She laughed and said, “Hearing your compliment will make my dreams sweet tonight.” Haha, that caught me off guard. Next time, I’ll bring Huanhuan along to get a haircut and introduce them.

The Uncle Who Asked for Help Charging His Car

After the haircut, I walked to the charging station, where an uncle in a worn-out leather jacket stopped me. He said he didn’t know how to charge his car and asked for my help. At first, I scanned the QR code on the public account for a while before realizing it wasn’t working—there was another one on the display screen. Then he asked me to help bind his car model info. He drove a seven-seater Changan van, and when the list popped up, there were way too many options. I randomly picked one, and it worked, so we went with that. He thanked me profusely and even offered me a cigarette, which I declined since I don’t smoke.

Called Fei Ge

Helping others felt pretty good. I thought about visiting my mom, but it was getting late. Then I realized I hadn’t called Fei Ge in a while, so I video-called him directly. Turns out, the job someone promised him fell through, and he’s been lying low in Xiamen for a month. I imagine it must be tough for him.

Around 9 p.m., Huanhuan finished work. I thought chatting with more people might help, so I pulled both of them into a call, completely ignoring their awkwardness. It was pretty fun and also helped Huanhuan integrate better with my circle of friends.

Ledger

Haha, Fei Ge said that while he still has money, I should hurry to Xiamen to visit him. I joked about my usual “Australian lobster” bit, and Fei Ge said he’d budget 10k to treat us—rent a car and take a trip out to sea. I’ll hold him to that for now.

In the morning, I watched some English videos for a while and played some games. I steamed and ate the rice cakes I bought yesterday, and then, before I knew it, noon had passed without me realizing what else I had done.

Afternoon

This afternoon, I read Letter from an Unknown Woman. I listened to the audiobook¹ while following along with the English translation I bought on Duozhuayu. The narration of the audiobook was very emotional and captivating, so I finished it quickly. Since I’m not yet very familiar with English, I suspected I might have missed some details. So I searched further, thinking of checking others’ interpretations, and came across this video².

I learned that this novel reflects certain psychological and human nature-related themes. Through AI, I saw keywords like Freud’s “death drive,” which piqued my curiosity. I then delved deeper into the meaning of the death drive and its counterpart, the life drive, which intertwine within human nature, forming intricate psychological and behavioral patterns.

I can’t yet comment on whether the love displayed by the female protagonist in the novel is great, humble, or even real love. I do agree, however, that it is more of a form of self-deception and an escape from both herself and reality.

Evening

Lately, I haven’t had much of an appetite, let alone the motivation to go to the market to buy groceries. For dinner, I casually boiled some noodles and fried two eggs to make do. The eggs ended up burnt and didn’t taste very good.

After finishing the meal and washing the dishes, I thought about going out for a walk. As I approached Zhongshan District No. 2 Primary School, I called my mom to come down and join me. For a while, we couldn’t find each other—the root cause being that I couldn’t understand her directional adverbs like “this side,” “that side,” “up there,” “down there,” “behind,” or “in front.” After finally meeting up, I decided to teach her how to use WeChat’s location-sharing feature. We passed an intersection, and I intentionally walked separately from her, asking her to observe the changes in the avatar’s position on her phone. She seemed to half-understand. At the next intersection, I did the same, telling her to come find me.

After two forks in the road, she still hadn’t found me. I called her to correct her directions, and she finally managed to locate me—though she looked exhausted and impatiently swiped WeChat into the background, returning to her home screen. I then asked her where she wanted to walk, and I followed her lead.

Somewhat expectedly yet unexpectedly, she took a wrong turn and ended up in another residential area, but we corrected it eventually. I think from now on, I’ll just follow her and let her lead the way.

I just lay in bed until noon, not even wanting to eat. By the afternoon, I felt so unwell that I forced myself to go out for a walk, though I was completely drained of energy. Passing by a rice cake shop, I noticed hundreds of stacked steamers inside and thought the cakes must be good. I bought one, broke off a piece, and it turned out to be quite tasty.

On the way back, I figured not eating wasn’t a solution, so I decided to have something easy to digest. I ordered a bowl of rice noodles, which wasn’t particularly delicious, but I managed to finish it with some garlic.

In the evening, I thought I should distract myself, so I played Honor of Kings for a while. The game is pretty boring, but at least I could play it lying down.

Yesterday and today, I looked into the requirements for applying for a student visa. Money remains a significant hurdle. But I don’t care too much anymore—I’ll leave it to fate. At this point, I’m not as eager to go abroad as before. Facing reality is more important. As Teacher Liu said: for ordinary families, studying abroad is almost an impossible path. Maybe things will improve if I work harder in the future.

17:34 Achieved Multi-Device Sync in Obsidian

By configuring the remotely-save plugin and leveraging Tencent Cloud Storage, I managed to sync the mobile version. While it’s not as seamless as git, it’s sufficient for jotting down notes on weekends or when I’m out and about. Later, when I have access to a computer, I can push the updates to the website.

I’ve already started anticipating the rejection of my CSC application, looking forward to the stability of starting a regular job. At noon, Yao Dong called me to discuss work-related matters and mentioned that Professor Cai is also planning to study abroad, saying that upon returning, he could supervise Ph.D. students. Later, I came across a video by Geng on Bilibili, where he talked about wanting to pursue a Ph.D. in his 50s. I think it’s a great idea. The current issue is whether our abilities can support us in leading a relatively stable and smooth life.

Today, I also splurged on buying Dwarf Fortress, but the learning curve is so steep that I can barely play it. I also tried Turing Complete, only to realize my brain isn’t sharp enough for it.

In the evening, I went out for another walk with my mom. We walked to People’s Square and back, covering a total distance of about 8 kilometers.

Yesterday, I scheduled a medical check-up for this morning to assess my health condition in advance and avoid any issues with the upcoming pre-employment physical. So I got up early this morning and quickly finished the check-up at the hospital. The main focus was on blood and urine-related indicators, which were conveniently covered by the free check-up offered by JD.com.

After the check-up, I was both thirsty and hungry, and since the free check-up didn’t include a breakfast voucher, I went to Kaihui convenient store across from the medical center and bought a bottle of water and a grilled sausage. Back at my place, I boiled an ear of corn my mom gave me yesterday. The corn lately hasn’t been very sweet—fruit corn seems to taste better.

After eating, I felt a bit drowsy, so I simply lay down in bed to sleep. There’s a contradictory feeling here: I want to sleep, but I’m also afraid of falling asleep because someone always seems to contact me while I’m asleep. Then I end up answering with a groggy voice, which I feel leaves a bad impression. This feeling is definitely not great, and if I don’t fall asleep, my mind starts wandering, leading me to pick up my phone.

In the afternoon, I stir-fried some dried tofu, which turned out quite tasty. Then I went out for a walk. When I reached Minghu Lake, I called my mom and asked if she wanted to come out for a stroll. She said she was downstairs and came to meet me.

Just as she found me, my sister-in-law called and asked her to take my little nephew back home. I could tell my mom really wanted to stay and walk around, but I quickly urged her to go back for dinner.

Today, I also played a couple of rounds of Honor of Kings. This game is really boring without friends. Then I saw that Dwarf Fortress was on sale, discounted by about 10 yuan. I thought about looking into it, and it was quite impressive. Developed over 20 years, it’s extremely challenging and seems fun, but it’s still a bit pricey—even after the discount, it’s 86 yuan, so it requires a bit of resolve. Although there’s a free version, the learning curve is quite steep, and I feel like I might not be able to get into it.

My mom also called me early in the morning, asking if I was coming over to pick up some rice. I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.

After getting up, I did laundry and took a shower. Then I lay in bed and finished reading Animal Farm—it was incredibly satirical and blunt. I bought the English original to keep at home, so I can read it again next time I’m back.

In the afternoon, I played video games for nearly an hour, mostly out of boredom and anxiety. Later, I went to see my mom. She gave me some meat and a few ears of corn. On my way back, I bought some waxberries and peaches, then stopped by the supermarket to pick up groceries. That should last me about a week.

I’m a bit worried that I might not pass the pre-employment physical exam, so I scheduled a check-up for tomorrow to see how things look first. The free health check-up from JD.com finally came in handy.

Today’s fried peanuts turned out perfectly—the heat control was just right. As soon as I smelled the aroma, I knew it was time to turn off the stove.

After washing the dishes and taking a shower, the entire morning slipped by.

Tomorrow is the Dragon Boat Festival, and Huanhuan mentioned she’s going to her grandmother’s house to celebrate, and I’ll be joining her.

At noon, I noticed something seemed off about Huanhuan. Around 2 p.m., she called and shared a lot about her recent emotional journey. I think it’s great that she’s brave enough to acknowledge some of the less positive thoughts in her mind. She had been struggling alone for a long time, hadn’t even eaten lunch, and even lied to me, saying the cafeteria was too crowded at noon.

After hanging up, I ordered her some Dicos (a fast-food chain), and I also started packing my things to head to Hongguo to meet her.

Over the past couple of days, while browsing CoolAPK, I noticed that Xiaomi 15’s system had a major official update. Many users claimed it was significantly smoother and more power-efficient, which made me eager to try it out. However, it was still in the closed beta phase, and I didn’t have access. So, I spent about an hour tinkering and managed to sideload it using a replacement method.

I used to love updating my phone’s system and apps, always eager to experience new features as soon as they dropped. But after my Xiaomi 10 suffered from negative optimization (performance degradation due to updates), I became much more cautious. From what I’ve seen online, this seems to be a widespread issue across almost all smartphone manufacturers. Devices where hardware and software aren’t controlled by the same company—like PCs—don’t seem to have this problem.

In general, it’s wise to stop updating your system and system apps at the right time. Here are two ways to determine when to stop:

1. About a year after the phone’s release, when the next iteration is about to launch.
2. When system update logs become vague and perfunctory.

If both conditions are met, it’s time to stop updating. Doing so will ensure a better long-term user experience.

16:36 Bought the Game “Kind Words”

Most people in this game are incredibly warm, unlike some other platforms. The anonymity and the fact that you only interact once with each person add a mysterious charm—it feels like the person on the other end is from another world.

I tried posting two questions and received some heartwarming replies, even though the answers were often things I already knew deep down.

My Request

Dear all,

I am confused about the meaning of life.

Should we devote ourselves to the present moment or to our future?

Reply with a Giraffe sticker

Devote yourself to you, and the future you. Only then we can became and shape our future.

It’s a timid relationship, but there’s no past without now, and no future without a past.
Devote yourself to what ideas and possabilitys make the now you happy.

If your path in the now leads to a good future, with the help of the past. You’ll do fine<3
F

Reply with a dancing Gremlin sticker

Life has no meaning but the one you choose to give it. On my side, I ask myself if my actions align with my values, and reevaluate either one of them if that is not the case. I think one must not forget where one came from, but not to the point where the past become a burden. Same for the future, it should be an exciting goal to tend to but it should not take over our enjoyment of the present moment. I hope you can navigate your life successfully :)
W

My Request

I don’t have a job right now. I am very confused.

Can anyone make me feel like I am not alone.

Reply with a Captain Astronaut sticker

J, You are not alone. Just because you don’t have a job right now that does not mean your are alone nor have value. This time likely has another purpose for you right now. I myself do not have a job right now but try to use the time gaining wisdom through the interactions I make and study a new skill. I actually just did some Blender practice since I want to get into 3D modeling and been trying to make myself practice everyday so I can be good enough to add it to my resume.
S

Reply with a cool Sunflower sticker

I am also unemployed at the moment and kinda lost to what I should do for the future. I am trying to see it as an opportunity to reevaluate my choices as I didn’t find fulfillment nor meaning in the corporate world, There are so many possibilities, it can make the choice daunting. You can do all the research and preparation that you want, but I think in the end it is only after you make the leap that you will know whether it suits you. Mistakes and doubts are part of the journey. So don’t be afraid to try and fail!
W

19:30 A Walk

I went out for a walk—it had been two whole days since I last stepped outside. Stepping out felt like being released from prison; everything seemed fresh and full of clarity.

I treated myself to some roasted potatoes from a place I’d been craving. The potatoes were delicious, and there were so many seasonings that it felt like they were giving away free potatoes with every purchase of seasoning. I also bought a bowl of silver ear fungus soup, but it didn’t feel like great value for money. Next time, I’ll just bring my own water, haha.

22:10 Bought Another Game—“Scribblenauts Unlimited”

Got it for just 10 yuan on sale at 杉果 (a game distribution platform). It’s an old game from 2009, but the art style and music are incredibly charming. It’s very relaxing and fun, and you can even learn a few words while playing. A great find!

Timing for Scooping Out Peanuts

When just 3-5 peanuts start turning golden, immediately turn off the heat, move the pan, and scoop them out. Any delay of a few seconds in these steps will result in overcooking.

In the morning, I finished watching Wang Defeng’s lecture on The Great Learning. In the afternoon, I watched Mission: Impossible – Fallout.

In the evening, I watched Wang Defeng’s lecture on The Platform Sutra. Though I felt like I gained nothing, I came to understand the spiritual worlds of others and realized my own shallowness.

Feeling discontent with the current situation and uncertain about the future inevitably leads to anxiety. When will life reach its conclusion? Is death truly the only endpoint?

The rankings for the Emergency Management Bureau interview have been released, which has significantly boosted my confidence. Link: Announcement of Comprehensive Evaluation (Interview) Results Ranking for the 2025 Talent Recruitment of the Affiliated Institutions under the Liupanshui Emergency Management Bureau

20:03 Studying The Great Learning

My teeth have been hurting all day, likely due to the medication I’ve been taking. Fortunately, my eyes aren’t as uncomfortable as they were yesterday.

A few days ago, I listened to Yuantingshansheng’s reading of The Great Learning on the Himalaya App. This afternoon, feeling unmotivated to do anything else, I decided to take a serious look at this foremost of the Four Books.

I watched Wang Defeng’s lecture on Bilibili and gained a lot from it.

22:46 Lying in Bed Watching Mission: Impossible

The toothache was unbearable, so I wanted to distract myself. At first, I considered gaming—I only have Honor of Kings and chess on my phone. The former seemed boring just thinking about it, and the latter requires too much brainpower. In the end, I decided to watch a movie instead. Earlier today, I saw news that Mission: Impossible 8 is about to be released, so I searched for Mission: Impossible 1 on Bilibili and started watching.

In the past, I tended to prepare and arrange daily study plans because I couldn’t go abroad due to financial constraints. But if the CSC scholarship is approved and I can go, things like English proficiency will become extremely important. Some research tools can be temporarily set aside, but I must set aside time every day to study English.

15:08 Check the Vendor’s Overall Appearance Before Buying

A few days ago, I bought some corn and immediately noticed it wasn’t great, but I had already picked two, so I reluctantly bought them. I also noticed the vendor was selling loquats and bayberries, neither of which looked fresh.

However, it’s hard to judge the freshness of corn just by looking. Once in Guiyang, I bought some corn and complained that it was too hard. The vendor said, “This kind softens when cooked—it’s actually the best.” Skeptical but curious, I bought it, and it turned out surprisingly delicious. When I bought corn this time, I recalled that experience and assumed it was the same type. But today, after cooking it, I realized it wasn’t—it was just old and poor quality.

Tip

When buying groceries, observe the overall quality of the vendor’s goods before deciding whether to purchase. Generally, vendors with a good overall image are less likely to sell subpar items, while those with a poor image are more likely to.

Especially for items where quality isn’t easily discernible, it’s best to avoid such vendors altogether.

17:22 Went Out for a Walk

My eyes have been bothering me the past few days. At first, I thought it was due to staring at my phone screen for too long. Gradually, though, I realized my wisdom tooth was inflamed—it seems every time it acts up, my eyes suffer first. I quickly took two metronidazole pills.

I just went to deliver a folding umbrella to my mom and picked up some mulberries my uncle had picked. I also took a stroll outside. I came across some very fresh corn, bought two, and threw away the three I had bought earlier. Then I found some fresh bayberries—I’d been craving them for days—so I bought half a kilo.

Tip

For fresh bayberries, if you pluck off the stem at the base, a small piece of flesh comes off with it, forming a tiny, berry-like ball.

22:55 I Think I’ve Lost the Ability to Notice Beauty

I remember I used to be someone who easily spotted beautiful things in everyday life and was enthusiastic about capturing those little moments with photos.

But now, I find it hard to notice beauty, and I rarely feel the urge to photograph the lovely things I see.

Maybe it’s because my surroundings lack beauty these days? Maybe I don’t go out enough to experience life? Or perhaps my inner state has changed? In any case, my phone hasn’t had any new landscape or candid photos in a long time.

Maybe this is a good thing—maybe I’ve shifted to appreciating life more with my eyes and memory? I don’t really know myself anymore.

After studying briefly in the morning, I felt drowsy again.

Tomorrow, Xiaoyi has an interview with the Emergency Management Bureau, so he came to stay at Niuwa’s place tonight. We had a meal together and went to find Deng Ya and the others.

In the evening, Huanhuan’s house was filled with relatives. I called and messaged her, but she didn’t respond promptly. I knew she was once again facing pressure from all those relatives, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Today seems to have passed in a daze.

Recently, I’ve started leaning toward hoping that the CSC (China Scholarship Council) will reject my funding application. There are two main reasons for this: First, I can already foresee that the next few years abroad would likely be quite painful, and because of this, the prolonged lack of a stable job has been weighing on me for a long time. Second, I’ve begun to fear the prospect of long-term separation from my loved ones, family, and friends.

If the funding application is unsuccessful, I can accept it with peace of mind and focus on preparing for a normal life like most people—having a modest job that barely makes ends meet, a family of my own, and a comfortable routine.

On the other hand, if the CSC approves the funding, two factors would still leave me feeling drained and apprehensive. First, uncertainties around passport and visa issues remain, and I’d inevitably have to navigate bureaucratic hurdles—something I dread. Second, I’d once again face a prolonged period without income, continuing to feel emotionally exhausted, searching for a new foothold, while also worrying about the impending long-term separation.

Looking back now, the decision I made earlier doesn’t seem as wise as I once thought. However, one thing is certain: the unemployment we fear isn’t as terrifying as it seems. It’s okay to be without a job for a week, a month, or even a year.

Of course, the fact that I haven’t struggled as much this year is largely thanks to the support of my family and Huanhuan. It’s in times like these that I truly feel their warmth.

I was already aware of these things, but hearing him reiterate them made me even more anxious.

Last night, when I video-called Huanhuan, I sensed she seemed a bit down. I asked her what was wrong, but she said it was nothing.

This morning, I noticed the date was May 20th. I thought about the electric shaver Huanhuan had bought me a few days ago and remembered I had promised to get her a photo printer. So, I checked on JD.com and saw there was a national subsidy, which brought the price down a bit—though it was still a little expensive at 800 yuan.

I noticed that on Ku’an, there had been a 50% discount coupon during last year’s Double 11, which would have brought the price down to under 400 yuan. Huanhuan thought it wasn’t cost-effective now, so we decided to wait and see if a similar deal comes up later. She told me to cancel the order for now and reconsider later.

In the morning, Xiaoxue contacted me, suggesting I buy Huanhuan flowers, a cake, or milk tea. I felt flowers were a bit awkward—I don’t really see this as a holiday, just something hyped up by businesses and marketing. I wasn’t keen on buying them and didn’t think Huanhuan would like following the trend either. As for cake, Huanhuan does enjoy it, but her acne hasn’t cleared up yet, so I didn’t want her eating sweets.

At noon, while Huanhuan was having lunch with Zou Zou, I ordered milk tea for them. In the afternoon, Huanhuan shared with me about her colleague’s partner and the flowers someone had given her. That’s when I realized Xiaoxue was right—Huanhuan does like receiving gifts or surprises on such occasions.

So, I immediately told Huanhuan I’d buy her a bouquet. I quickly found a nice-looking one on Meituan and added the shop owner on WeChat to ask if they could make it. The owner said they were missing some materials and couldn’t replicate the exact bouquet but could make something similar. I asked what fresh flowers they had, and the owner said I could send a picture of what I liked for them to recreate. I sent one I personally liked, though I wasn’t very confident in the owner’s taste or skills.

Sure enough, when the flowers were done, they didn’t look much like the reference photo. To their credit, the owner was honest and admitted the result wasn’t great, offering a discount and extra flowers next time.

I didn’t reply because improving one’s aesthetic sense isn’t something that happens overnight.

In the evening, my mom asked me to go for a walk. When we reached the stadium, she asked if I had sent Huanhuan a red envelope. I said no, and we ended up discussing the topic of red envelopes. Though it was more of a one-sided conversation, as my mom rarely expresses her opinions openly.

All these things left me feeling down all day. During my evening interview, I couldn’t focus very well. Later, I debated whether to talk to Huanhuan about it. It was clear she had already noticed something was off. After hesitating for a long time, I decided to open up—otherwise, she might lose sleep over guessing what was wrong.

We talked late into the night, sharing our thoughts. I can’t really say which of us was being more mature or rational. Overall, maintaining an open and understanding attitude is the best approach.

After finishing the review around noon, I took her to try some xiaoguojuan (a local rolled snack) and Yuan Kun’s mutton rice noodles. After that, she returned to Guiyang. On my way home, I bought some waxberries and, upon seeing a vendor selling bamboo shoots, picked up two as well.

For dinner, I tried making bamboo shoot rice—it was incredibly fragrant!

In the afternoon, I finally finished reviewing the second round of Teacher Zhengdao’s material analysis. Since I have an interview coming up in a few days, I asked Huanhuan to play the role of the interviewer to help me practice. This exercise revealed many issues: my speech was not smooth due to nervousness, and the nervousness stemmed from a lack of confidence in my own logical thinking. I could come up with ideas, but I wasn’t entirely sure about them, leading to hesitant descriptions, physical tension, and verbal stumbling.

I need to build more confidence—first, I must believe that what I say is correct. Only then can I convince others. Additionally, this practice highlighted many detailed problems, mainly in the following areas:

1. Speak clearly: Believe in yourself first, so others can believe in you. It’s helpful to provide appropriate examples.
2. Be people-oriented: This is the core and foundation of the entire process. Always remember where your authority and livelihood come from.
3. Stay grounded in reality: People want to feel understood and seen.
4. Accumulate professional terminology: This will help when dealing with more abstract questions.
5. When describing events, you can apply the STAR principle (Situation, Task, Action, Result).

Around 8 a.m., the Emergency Management Bureau called for a qualification review, so I quickly cleared my throat and answered. After that, I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up, took a shower, did the laundry, and made breakfast.

Just as I was about to shower, the power went out. I went outside to check and found that the circuit breaker had failed—the wiring wasn’t properly connected before and had burned out. Luckily, the water was already hot, so I showered and then started figuring out how to replace the breaker.

I initially thought about doing it myself. A 2P63A circuit breaker costs less than 30 yuan on Meituan, but I was a bit nervous to handle it alone. I checked the price online through Meituan’s service, and they quoted 130 yuan, which felt overpriced. So, I went out to find a repair shop instead. I found a couple running a repair store, and they charged 80 yuan, including materials. I didn’t haggle and agreed right away.

At noon, I messed around with a JS script and missed my nap time. In the afternoon, I lay down for a while but couldn’t sleep, so I ended up playing on my phone.

Later, I tidied up my room, but my eyes were so tired that I went back to sleep.

A day without studying—just pure slacking.

By the way, last night I suddenly thought of my brother-in-law’s father. I’m not sure what the proper formal term is, so I’ll just call him Uncle. I often think of him inexplicably, so I jotted down a few notes.

02:16 An old phone suddenly beeped

My sister’s phone suddenly made a system notification sound, and my mind started wandering.
I thought about how her WeChat might still have chat logs with Uncle Chaoyang, which I never backed up. The thought made me miss him again, remembering how he looked when he passed away, how hardworking he was.

What kind of life should one live? He embodied so many admirable qualities—bravery, kindness, diligence, selflessness, intelligence, confidence, extroversion, optimism. It’s rare for someone to possess all these traits.

Just thinking about it brings me to tears.

Our interactions weren’t many, yet why has such a towering figure left such a deep impression on me? He helped my family in countless ways—arranging medical care for my mom, plowing fields, driving my dad to Shuicheng, assisting my brother with his wedding, even castrating pigs for our household. He was always energetic, never seeking comfort, never drinking alcohol, often rushing from one task to another.

I want to be like him.

When I woke up in the morning and checked my phone, I realized it was just a system notification from Find My Device.

From morning until noon, I had an online interview with the Energy Bureau. I had prepared my self-introduction for a long time, but as soon as it started, they went straight to asking me questions, which caught me off guard. It took me a full minute to regain my composure.

I feel like interviews require practice to handle various situations calmly. Still, it was a good experience for me because it highlighted areas where I need improvement.

After the interview, I wanted to lie in bed and rest for a while. Earlier, my dad had asked me to buy a phone for my mom. The delivery driver called around 2 p.m., and since it was a government-subsidized order, I had to go to the Finance Bureau to sign for it in person.

The Redmi Turbo 4 Pro actually feels more premium than my Xiaomi 15, and I ended up playing with it for way too long. I really shouldn’t have…

The carp I bought yesterday turned out terribly cooked, and I felt a bit guilty about it—I had specifically picked the liveliest fish at the store. The tofu from the supermarket was also awful, completely ruining my dish. I ended up separating them, barely managing to finish the fish, and then re-frying the tofu in oil to make it somewhat edible.

After dinner, I took the phone to my mom and spent about an hour setting it up for her before heading back.

It’s already 9:45 p.m. I watched a video by Bi Dao today, which talked about how our lives follow a logarithmic scale. The further we go, the faster time seems to pass. According to the calculations, by the time we’re 18, we’ve already lived half of our perceived lifetime.

Suddenly, I felt a bit panicked—life is already slipping away. How to truly experience and hold onto time might be a topic worth exploring.

Yesterday, I only added the attributes but didn’t have time to implement them. Today, I spent some time making it work and also optimized the style and layout.

09:52 Drew Number 27 for the Interview

For the interview at the Energy Bureau, I drew number 27. Being at the very end is quite annoying.

10:13 Studying After a Shower

On the Himalaya App, there’s a program called National Centre for the Performing Arts | Listening to Classical Music. The host prepares each episode exceptionally well, even expanding on some stories and knowledge. It’s much better than randomly listening to songs or radio programs—no weird lyrics to make me feel agitated. It also allows me to appreciate the variations in music, preventing me from getting tired of the same genre too quickly.

19:45 Repairing an Old Phone

I managed to fix the broken phone at home earlier, but the back cover was still damaged. So, I bought a replacement online.

It’s been quite a saga—I initially bought the wrong model and had to exchange it, and it just arrived today. After carefully cleaning off the residual adhesive and attaching the new back cover, I noticed it didn’t fit perfectly. I lightly tapped the edges that were sticking up, and… the newly replaced back cover shattered. Ugh. I ended up covering the broken part with a sticker to prevent glass shards from falling out.

21:36 Reflecting on Today

This afternoon, I tested whether the interview setup was working properly. After finishing the test, I went to the supermarket to buy groceries.

Every time I go to the supermarket, I end up buying way too much food. Tonight, I planned to eat glass noodles, so I bought some. Huanhuan mentioned they had fish for lunch, so I bought a fish too. When I got home, I realized there was still some sliced cured meat from the day before yesterday that needed to be cooked soon. As a result, I now have more food than I can finish.

This seems to clash with my fasting day plan. Oh well, I’ll figure it out later.

Another day has come to an end, and I can barely recall what I did today.

Let me think: studying, helping Mom with her phone, playing on my phone, sleeping.

23:49 Created a New Templater Template for Callouts

I often use callouts in my notes for exercises, notes, tips, and the like. Writing them in native syntax gets tedious, especially with all the switching between Chinese and English. So, I made a Templater template to make it easier.

1
2
3

> [!<% tp.system.suggester((item) => item, ["question", "note", "tip"]) %>]+ <% tp.system.prompt("Please input callout title", "Example") %>  
> <% tp.system.clipboard() %>  
>  

For the main content, I used Metan AI to transcribe it, which made things much more convenient.

23:53 Added an stime Attribute to My Journal

This attribute tracks daily phone usage time to analyze long-term changes in my habits.

I originally wanted to log sleep time too, but I sometimes nap at noon, and phone tracking isn’t accurate enough. So, I’ll leave it at that for now.

Woke up in the morning, took a shower, and tossed my dirty clothes into the washing machine. Sniffed the rice I cooked on Friday night—no weird smell yet—so I stir-fried it with some potatoes and eggs.

09:35 Checked CSC and talent recruitment programs

Time flies—it’s almost mid-May already. Just opened the CSC website, and as expected, no results yet. Then I checked the talent expo website for updates on the talent recruitment progress—same deal, not even an interview notice.

Started feeling anxious again, unsure of what to do next.

QQ Music recommended a song called “Don’t Panic, There’s Moonlight After Sunset.” The singer moaned lyrics like:

Don’t be lost~
Don’t panic~
……
Don’t waver~
Don’t be disheartened~

It genuinely annoyed me. These verb-object structures made up entirely of negative words—if you just listen to it as background music, all you hear is don’t, lost, panic, disheartened, be lost, and so on. For someone who isn’t lost, panicked, wavering, or disheartened, it might not seem off. But for someone actually feeling those emotions, it’s nothing but irritating.

21:36 Streetlight landmarks

Made a cold-tossed lettuce and stir-fried cabbage for dinner—ate too much. Decided to go for a walk and called my mom while on Kang Le Road to ask if she wanted to join. She said sure.

Ended up lecturing her the whole evening. At first, I pointed out the municipal government bus stop to her. She studied it carefully and said she could use the nearby postal newsstand as a landmark. I said those things are everywhere. Then she suggested using a forked roadside tree as a marker.

I said, “There are so many trees—you might as well use the streetlights as landmarks.” Of course, I was being sarcastic, but she took it seriously and started taking photos of the lampposts with her phone.

I was torn between laughing and facepalming. I said, “What about the China Agricultural Development Bank right there?” Then I explained that landmarks should be things like malls, schools, hospitals, or intersections.

22:01 Buying mangoes

I’d been wanting to buy some mangoes since yesterday, but my mom said they weren’t good—the ones with a bit of red on the skin taste better. When we passed by the fruit stand earlier, I almost bought some but held back, afraid she’d nag me.

After passing the stadium, I saw another vendor with a cart selling mangoes. They weren’t expensive and looked fresh, so I decided to buy a few. As soon as I asked the vendor, my mom predictably started up: “These don’t taste good, why waste money,” blah blah blah…

It really got on my nerves. I bought them anyway, and after walking a bit, I started lecturing her. I said, “I just want to eat them now. They’re not expensive, and I’m not buying a ton. Do you have to keep nagging?”

Then I took one out of the bag and handed it to her. “Try it. Is it really that bad? Is it worth the price?”
She stopped talking after that.

Later, I told Huanhuan about it, and she said I sometimes do the same—judging her based on my own experiences and opinions. I thought about it, and she’s right.

I stayed up very late last night. While washing up, I noticed a thin layer of water stains on the counter where I placed the basin. I propped up my Xiaomi 15 against the basin to make a video call. Then I saw the water stains seeping into the phone through the case, so I quickly grabbed it, shook it off, and moved it elsewhere.

A while later, I noticed the speaker was distorting—oddly, it was the top speaker. Ever since I got this phone, I’d felt the top speaker’s sound quality was subpar, but I never expected it to start distorting outright. I began searching forums and communities for similar issues and found that this wasn’t an isolated case. The speakers clearly have a problem. Strangely, water stains entering the charging port or audio jack could actually affect the distortion in the other speaker. Later, I used a hairdryer to blow air into the bottom speaker grille for a while, and the distortion improved somewhat.

Though this is a minor issue, given the phone’s price, I don’t think such problems should exist. It made me consider returning or exchanging it. I kept browsing the community for possible solutions and before I knew it, it was already 2 a.m.

15:10 Heading Out

Went to Hongguo to find Huanhuan.

The produce there is quite fresh, mostly grown by the sellers themselves. I bought some blueberries for my mom, and for myself, I picked up some greens, tofu, bamboo shoots, and tomatoes. I’ve got more vegetables than I can finish.

Running into things I don’t quite understand always leaves me feeling a bit frustrated, but I just let it be. Time flies—it’s already been a week into May, and the results of the CSC application will be out soon. Lately, people keep asking me about the outcome, but I don’t really want to dwell on it. Whether I pass or fail, it’ll bring its own set of troubles.

My mom has been wanting to learn how to take the bus. In the evening, I called and asked if she’d like to come out so I could teach her. She agreed. I showed her how to read the bus stop signs and demonstrated how to use the map on her phone. Finally, we took Bus No. 3 to the Maternal and Child Health Hospital, got off, and walked to People’s Square. There, we saw a group learning to dance, so I took her over to watch. She seemed curious but kept saying to herself that she was too clumsy and not flexible enough. I told her everyone starts learning at this age. After standing there for a while, she began mimicking the steps. I encouraged her to join in, and to my surprise, she really let loose and started dancing.

But the lesson was almost over, and soon the real music started for the group to dance along. She danced for a bit before coming back to me, saying she couldn’t keep up. I told her to just go and dance freely. After a while, she came back again, and I said, “Just keep dancing randomly for a few months, and you’ll pick it up.”

Then I asked her to navigate us to the Telecom Building to take Bus No. 4 back. She still struggles to grasp the methods and logic behind it—her lack of spatial awareness is a big hurdle.

The ability to immediately notice impatience in oneself is often a sign of patience.

I used too little oil for frying the chicken, so the meat didn’t dry out enough. I overlooked the saltiness of the fermented bean paste, which led to oversalting.

I accidentally set the rice cooker to “keep warm” instead of “cook,” so I took the opportunity to fry a potato and mix it in. I continued stir-frying the chicken over low heat, and by adding the potato, the spicy chicken dish turned into a dry pot chicken with potatoes.

The potato helped balance out the saltiness, so it turned out fairly successful.

18:34 Taking Notes Can Improve Focus

Clear and logical notes have a creative aspect to them, providing a certain level of positive feedback that helps enhance concentration.

Sometimes, impatience makes the process feel slow, but remember: slow is fast.

22:36 Learning to Use GeoGebra

Today, I had a need for drawing graphs. I had always used matplotlib before, but today I realized that for simple calculations and plotting, GeoGebra is incredibly convenient. No need to write extra code—just input the function directly.

22:40 Mom Feels Like She’s Good at Nothing

Mom came to Shuicheng to help my brother and sister-in-law take care of their child. Differences in opinions often arise over small things, like what the child should eat or whether they should wear more or less clothing. Mom has always been the type to endure in silence, and it seems she can’t assert any of her own opinions here. This has led her to feel unacknowledged. During the day, when the child’s parents are at work, she feels heartbroken seeing the child uncomfortable.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts often stem from these trivial matters, with one side usually feeling wronged. I believe people should be on equal footing. Mom isn’t just a machine that follows orders—she’s a woman with rich experience as an elder. I want to encourage her to fight for her right to speak, even if it leads to unpleasant consequences.

I want her to communicate with my brother and sister-in-law: their roles are the same—they are both caregivers and guardians of the baby. They should have equal authority and be able to make decisions based on their own judgment during their respective caregiving times. Others, when not in a position to supervise, should also trust the person currently responsible for caregiving.

After discussing it with Huanhuan, I realized communication is quite difficult, especially when people are biased or unwilling to engage. Facing the conflict head-on and standing up for one’s rights is actually the easier approach. Focus more on your own feelings and don’t fear conflict.

23:31 If It’s All Love, Why Does Conflict Arise?

My brother and sister-in-law’s love for Xiaoyu is real, and Mom’s love for Xiaoyu is real too. So why do conflicts arise when it comes to practical matters? The key lies in people’s biases and lack of trust in each other—both of which are foolish.

I believe raising a child isn’t all that difficult. Occasionally eating a little more or less, or wearing a little more or less, won’t affect the child’s growth.

On the contrary, the conflicts that arise from these disagreements may end up hurting the very people who should be close.

Last night, I spent some time tinkering with my phone again, but luckily, I went to bed relatively early.

Maintaining a slight sense of hunger and fatigue can help foster a more disciplined and proactive lifestyle.

11:49 Lemon + Cured Meat

Adding two slices of lemon when blanching cured meat can bring out a unique aroma while also reducing the oxidized taste of the meat.

The main reason eggs stick to the pan is that the pan and oil aren’t hot enough. On an induction stove, try to crack the egg closer to the center of the pan.

15:50 Considering Root Access from a Consumer’s Perspective

The purpose of rooting is to gain control over the system. I suddenly realized that the notification importance settings were missing. Upon closer inspection, I discovered it was because I had restored the native notification importance settings using Cemiuiler. My new phone isn’t rooted, so I couldn’t adjust the settings.

19:48 Tweaking the Equalizer on the Xiaomi 15

I noticed that the Xiaomi 15’s external speakers don’t sound as good as the Xiaomi 10’s—they’re particularly harsh and lack fullness. After checking online to see how others adjusted their equalizers, I learned a bit about the principles behind equalizer tuning. It improved slightly, but only by a tiny bit.

23:16 How to improve concentration

The inertia of laziness is still quite hard to overcome, which makes creating a conducive learning or working environment especially important. But how do you create one? Generally, there are four main influencing factors:

1. Establishing Rules. Setting rules helps maintain high focus. The most critical aspects are enforceability and unavoidable consequences—the former ensures practicality, while the latter serves as a negative feedback mechanism. For example, in libraries or classrooms, loud noise will draw disapproval from others, an unavoidable consequence that encourages focus in such spaces.
2. Group Effect. This leverages human psychology—people tend to mimic others to fit in. Additionally, people usually care about how others perceive them. To shape their image, individuals in groups consciously imitate productive behaviors. Combined with personal motivation, this makes people more focused in specific group settings.
3. Eliminating Distractions. By keeping potential distractions—whether objects or people—out of sight or reach, external interruptions are minimized, helping sustain focus.
4. Choosing the Right Task. The nature of the work or study material significantly impacts focus. For instance, we often concentrate intensely while gaming, competing, or watching TV shows. Tasks that provide immediate positive feedback are more likely to hold our attention, even to the point of addiction. Conversely, activities requiring long-term effort with unpredictable setbacks—like preparing for grad school or civil service exams—often trigger subconscious resistance, undermining focus.

In summary, maintaining focus while working alone on long-term, low-reward tasks is extremely challenging. Forcing yourself to concentrate might backfire. Instead, try creating enforceable personal rules with unavoidable consequences, joining online communities of like-minded individuals, and using tools like screen locks or Pomodoro timers. Overcoming subconscious resistance by adopting a broader perspective is key to improving focus—but this requires extensive exploration and practice.

Two people shining together, their radiance outshines the stars of the night.

Every separation always brings a tinge of reluctance, but today’s emotions felt particularly strong.

We went to a place called Panxian Flavor for breakfast, having sticky rice, mushroom meatball noodles, and meat pies. Afterward, she went to attend a team-building event organized by the city branch, while I picked up a package and wandered around.

A few days ago, I submitted my resume at the Guizhou Talent Expo. This afternoon, the Energy Bureau called to ask if I was certain about joining. Personally, I’m not too keen—there’s a five-year service commitment, the benefits aren’t great, and if it involves frequent mine visits, I’d be quite averse to it. For now, I agreed to see how things unfold.

Later, I chatted with Niuwa, who mentioned that her colleague has a friend in the Energy Bureau and gave me a brief rundown of the situation. The meal allowance they provide is only enough for 13 meals a month, and the dormitory is still a communal setup. This isn’t talent recruitment—it’s more like recruiting workhorses. Niuwa then mentioned that her boyfriend is in Gui’an and said the benefits there are quite good, suggesting I give it a try.

16:55 Added custom title to callout

The most important thing in programming is understanding the existing code logic—otherwise, even the smartest AI won’t be of much help. The better you grasp the underlying logic, the better you can solve problems. The same goes for everything else.

20:19 Continued refining Obsidian-compatible callout folding

Noticed that Hugo’s source code supports folding tags, so I spent some effort combining it with AI to achieve callout folding compatible with Obsidian.

Question

CSS always has its share of inexplicable issues. With flex as the parent node, the span tags inside never seem to center vertically.

22:02 Packed up some things

Heading home with Mom tomorrow.

All I knew was that, on the surface, I seemed to be studying, eating well, and sleeping properly every day. Yet, nothing was truly done well, and each day passed by in a daze, slipping away far too quickly.

It wasn’t until today, when I watched Jay Chou’s summary on learning, that I reflected on myself and finally understood where the problem lay.

The lack of focus is the main reason for my low daily efficiency and lack of a sense of accomplishment. Whenever I needed to concentrate on important tasks, my mind would suddenly drift: “I’m hungry, let’s grab a snack,” “I’m thirsty, let’s drink some water,” “My nails are too long, time to trim them,” “What should I prepare for lunch?” “Should I go to the bathroom?” “Let me check my phone for messages,” “I’m tired, maybe I’ll watch some short videos…”

These seem like perfectly normal things, but they fragment our attention into tiny pieces. Combined with other concerns—work tasks, learning goals, future plans, daily habits—everything ends up being affected to varying degrees.

Short videos, in particular, severely encroach on the precious productive hours of the day. They are a major reason why our sleep deteriorates, our focus wanes, and our connection with the real world weakens. Often, we attribute these issues to a lack of self-control, but the truth is, humans have an instinctual drive to seek information. This instinct makes us greedily and incessantly crave new input. The moment our minds idle, we unconsciously open apps that feed us information—and with their recommendation systems and attention algorithms, these apps exploit us relentlessly.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with watching videos every day, but we must always remember: time is finite.

Each day is only so long, and each year is only so long. We should strive to spend our time on our dreams, work, habits, enjoyment, and the people who matter to us.

I had gone a long time without watching short videos before, but somehow, I slipped back into the habit. Moving forward, I will avoid platforms like Douyin (TikTok) for non-essential information. I’ve also filtered out videos shorter than five minutes on Bilibili’s homepage. In my free time, I’ll try to read or watch longer-form content, hoping to gradually rebuild my attention span.

I cooked a bowl of noodles in the morning, and before I knew it, it was already noon. Lately, my phone has been lagging a lot, probably due to aging components. I thought resetting it might not solve much, so I started considering getting a new one. I should have taken a proper nap at noon, but instead, I spent time browsing and comparing prices on different platforms, which left me poorly rested.

In the afternoon, I studied for a while, but by around 4 p.m., I was really hungry. Since the rice was still cooking, I fried an egg to eat. I chopped up a lot of chili peppers and stir-fried them with cured meat, then ate it all with rice—it was so much.

After that, I planned to go out to pick up Huang Wenxiu’s diary, which Huanhuan had bought, and also grab a few things. Cherries have been really cheap lately—you can get fresh ones for about 5 yuan per pound. I went to Jiahui Supermarket to buy some groceries for the next couple of days.

Studying is always so easy to get distracted from. I really need to plan my time better and focus wholeheartedly on learning.

I’m tired now, so I’m going to bed.

Idea

Sometimes I feel like my writing is very ordinary and doesn’t hold much value. But then I think that years from now, people might read my diary to catch a glimpse of what life was like for an ordinary person in this era.
I’m sure it will be very different from the future.

The money I topped up in DeepSeek always gets used up suddenly—not sure if it’s due to an API leak or issues with the calls. Switched to the API provided by Volcano Engine instead; it’s also cheaper.

10:52 Optimized the QuickAdd action for adding records

Now it can all be done in a single input box. Even with longer text, there’s no need to open the diary again to continue adding more.

13:18 Failed attempt at using TypeIt as a shortcode

Gave up on this. These trivial things aren’t worth the effort—remember, less is more. At all times, focus on the main content and grasp the essence. Unless I’m someone who produces appearances or tools, there’s no need to overcomplicate things.

20:04 Suddenly discovered the benefits of nearsightedness

My left eye has about 200 degrees of myopia. After staying indoors all day, I decided to go out for a walk. My eyes felt a bit uncomfortable, so I tried closing one eye—and made a novel discovery.

As someone who strongly dislikes the overwhelming presence of advertisements in every aspect of life, I suddenly realized that mild nearsightedness can, to some extent, reduce the ads around us—because they become blurry.

Those eye-catching slogans are like being intelligently blurred out, no longer able to grab our attention. Of course, this only works with around 200 degrees of myopia. If the prescription is too high, it might also affect our ability to appreciate the beauty in life.

Last night, the rain was heavy, and I was awakened by the sound of it at 2 a.m. My mind conjured images of floods raging outside, the building I was in swaying precariously in the deluge, and before I knew it, I fell back asleep.

This morning, I took a shower and started studying. I’ve come to appreciate the phrase “Stillness begets wisdom” even more—only in stillness can one observe and reflect, complete the learning process, and gain wisdom.

Yesterday, I sliced the ham I brought home and searched on Bilibili for recipes like “ham stir-fried with XX.” I came across a dish of ham and spare ribs stewed with bamboo shoots. Inspired, I decided to buy some spare ribs and bamboo shoots to make it. However, I ended up buying too much—two ribs along with the chunk of meat attached, totaling 3 jin (1.5 kg), priced at 23 yuan per jin.

Here’s where I really disliked the butcher. I kept emphasizing that I was cooking for myself and asked him to give me one less rib or leave out the attached meat. He kept mumbling that he’d lose money if he didn’t sell it to me and quickly stuffed it all into a bag.

At noon, my mom brought me a watermelon and mentioned that spare ribs cost 20 yuan per jin where she bought them. That made me even more dissatisfied with the butcher. I thought he seemed honest, even making small talk, but upon reflection, he wasn’t a good person at all. If I were a butcher and someone came to buy 3 jin of meat, I’d definitely ask if they could finish it alone, rather than forcing it on them or wishing they’d buy 30 jin.

Warning

This shop is blacklisted—I’m never going back there again.

After blanching the spare ribs, I divided them into two portions. One portion was pan-fried and stewed with corn, carrots, and lotus root, while the other was used to make sweet and sour ribs. As for the chunk of meat attached to the ribs—I’m not even sure what it’s called—it felt like it weighed about a jin (500g), which was way too much. I sliced it, fried it until dry, and preserved it in oil. Both rib dishes turned out delicious, and I’m increasingly pleased with my cooking skills.

By the way, the stir-fried ham with green peppers I had at noon was incredibly tasty. After blanching the ham, I stir-fried the peppers until just cooked and tossed them together. No additional seasoning was needed since the ham was already salty. It reinforced my belief that cooking is about subtraction. Next time, I’ll save some for Xiaohuanhuan.

Tonight, Xiaohuanhuan shared Chronicle of a Blood Merchant with me, and we had a long chat. Though I might have rambled a bit, and Huanhuan was also feeling down due to some minor family issues.

I saw Dapeng sharing this song on social media—hope it brings you a good mood too.

Summer has arrived, and the temperature is no longer a major obstacle to getting out of bed. I’ve also been less inclined to laze around in the mornings compared to before.

Originally, I wanted to find a desktop timer app to help plan study and rest periods. On GitHub, I came across ClassIsland, a project that even includes a class schedule feature, making me feel like I’ve returned to my student days.

15:25 Thoughts

I strongly agree with what Teacher Zhengdao said:

We should not create barriers to knowledge, as doing so will only lead to societal inequity, turning exams into a selection process based on wealth rather than merit.

17:44 Taking a shower

For humans, taking a shower can, to some extent, be considered a reset action. After showering, people tend to feel much more refreshed and comfortable.

Mom called me again today. When I answered, I said, “What’s up?”
“Have you cooked and eaten?” she asked.
“I’m not coming,” I replied.
“I’m asking if you’ve cooked and eaten,” she repeated.
I said no.
“I bought some ribs today, but no one came for lunch,” she added.
“I’m not coming.”
……

After reaching an agreement, Mom told me to accept the money Dad had transferred to me yesterday. I said okay.

I know that accepting it will make them feel better and more at ease.

21:32 Eye discomfort

I’ve been staring at screens for too long today—almost the entire day watching study videos.

22:16 Why do people feel uneasy in life?

When we find ourselves in an unfamiliar environment or interacting with unfamiliar people, why do we feel uneasy? I tried to answer this question to help my mom adapt more quickly to her new lifestyle. I asked a few AIs, and the response from ChatGPT-o4-mini best captured the complex logic behind this feeling. Here’s the answer:

• Evolution and Physiological Mechanisms
  • “Fear of the Unknown” Instinct: From an evolutionary perspective, unfamiliar environments or objects may conceal dangers (predators, natural disasters, etc.). The brain automatically labels the “unfamiliar” as a potential threat, activating the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, releasing cortisol and adrenaline, and triggering a stress response that makes people alert and uneasy.
• Cognitive Load and Uncertainty
  • Lack of Pre-existing “Scripts”: In daily life, we rely on past experiences to quickly invoke “social scripts” (how to greet, how to maintain a conversation, etc.). In unfamiliar settings, there are no ready-made scripts to follow, forcing the brain to expend extra cognitive resources to observe, judge, and decide, leading to fatigue and anxiety.
  • Increased Uncertainty: Not knowing the preferences of others or the rules of the situation, nor the consequences of one’s actions, amplifies tension.
• Social Psychology and Self-Evaluation
  • Fear of Negative Judgment: When interacting with unfamiliar people, individuals often worry that their words or actions will be met with disapproval, rejection, or ridicule. This “social anxiety” further magnifies feelings of unease.
  • Reduced Self-Efficacy: When one feels unable to control the situation, their sense of security wavers, making them more prone to tension and discomfort.
• Individual Differences
  • Personality Traits: For example, introverts are naturally more sensitive to external stimuli and may feel more pressure in unfamiliar settings, while those high in “novelty-seeking” may enjoy exploring the unknown.
  • Past Experiences: Negative experiences in unfamiliar environments can reinforce anxiety about such situations.

Avoiding unfamiliar environments and reducing interactions with unfamiliar people is not a solution—unless we can return to our comfort zones and never encounter unfamiliar people again.

On the contrary, the only way to eliminate this unease is to bravely confront this instinctive fear, turning the unfamiliar into the familiar and the strange into the known. At the same time, maintaining confidence, not fearing negative judgment or uncertainty, and rediscovering self-efficacy through personal interests can help us regain self-affirmation.

In this process, we will rewrite our “social scripts,” enabling us to achieve greater accomplishments and reshape our inherent perceptions.

I didn’t finish watching Justice League in the car yesterday, so I continued and finished it this morning. In the afternoon, I slept in and then got up to study for a while.

In the evening, my mom called and said they couldn’t finish the chicken and asked me to come over to eat it so it wouldn’t go to waste. I didn’t really feel like going—I thought it was a bit of a time-waster. It’s not like I could arrive right at mealtime, eat, and then immediately leave. I’d much rather be on my own.

When I was about to leave after eating, my mom gave me some meat and some vegetables they hadn’t cooked today. I also took the out-of-season quarter-watermelon I had bought myself.

Todo

This weekend, I plan to cook some crayfish to eat.

As I left the house, I overheard two kids talking. One of them said:

When I was little, I thought if a mouse got sick, it should take rat poison.

Exams are truly expensive, especially since hotels turn into a seller’s market whenever there’s an exam—price hikes are inevitable. Many hotels have raised their rates so much that they practically deserve to be publicly shamed on utility poles.

It’s tough for examinees too. Most of them don’t have stable jobs to begin with. The exams themselves are already hard enough, and on top of that, they have to endure being bled dry by these price-gougers.

Spending money but still not getting a decent place to stay is really frustrating.

Today is my mother’s birthday. At noon, I bought her two small cakes.

In the evening, I took my mother for a walk around the neighborhood. She still seems a bit confused about directions and roads—perhaps she needs to walk the route a few more times. My parents and I don’t have deep conversations; we rarely talk about anything beyond daily life.

Today, I said to my mother, “You’re 57 now, huh?”
“Just turned 56,” she replied.
“Is there anything you’d like to do? Or any place you’d like to go?”
“What kind of place would I want to go to…?” After a few seconds of thought, she continued, “There isn’t.”

My mother has devoted her entire life to our family—you could say she’s spent her life battling this difficult world. She’s timid, afraid of many things, afraid of dealing with people, even afraid of arguing with us. Yet, she constantly wrestles with herself internally. I often lose patience with her over these things, urging her to pay attention to her own feelings. I don’t know if it helps.

Let me talk about something else.

I really dislike conversations that revolve around money, houses, and the like—who has money, how much a house costs, how big it is, where it’s bought. Of course, it’s not because I don’t have these things myself at the moment, but rather because the attitude people have toward them disgusts me.

I don’t deny the importance of wealth in our lives—it helps us realize our personal value. What I despise are these twisted values, where many treat money as a label. Expensive items are automatically considered good, healthy, and high-quality; wealthy people are seen as hardworking, capable, and ambitious—exactly what they aspire to be. I’ve never heard them discuss who doesn’t have money or the underlying essence of these phenomena when they talk about who does.

If the only things left to discuss in life are these, I’d rather not participate in the conversation at all.

There is never anything wrong with making money, and I will always dislike those who treat money as an end in itself and use it to measure the value of life.

00:09 Getting ready for bed

Spent most of today watching educational videos and discovered a highly capable teacher with solid values: The Right Path in Public Exams is Full of Vicissitudes. I also found his verbatim notes on interviews, which I’ve reposted on my blog: Verbatim Notes on Interview Insights | The Right Path in Public Exams is Full of Vicissitudes.

This completely changed my previous perspective—public exams aren’t purely about luck. I used to think that people with similar abilities would perform similarly in exams, and that the benefits of practice might be offset by luck.

The belief that success depends on luck isn’t necessarily correct, but we can only explore this after we’ve done everything within our power to eliminate non-luck factors. If we aspire to achieve great goals, then this is precisely what we must do.

The website’s Sitemap kept generating empty files, and I spent time troubleshooting the issue. After a round of debugging, I realized the disable flag in the configuration file was set to true. The local hugo.yaml had already been changed to false, but I still wasted two hours.

1
2
3
4

sitemap:
  changefreq: always
  disable: false
  priority: 0.8

11:49 After Eating Liangfen

pre-commit always makes me wait forever during submissions, and the node_modules directory also slows down Obsidian’s startup. So, I deleted it.

I also removed Front Matter (CMS). Obsidian itself is already sufficient—no need to chase after redundant tools.

14:46 Trying to Shelve My Thoughts

I couldn’t fall asleep at noon, thinking about learning Sass and Tailwind CSS, wondering why lunch wasn’t over yet, and stressing over things like the provincial civil service exam (CSC). These thoughts swirled in my head, and in the end, I didn’t sleep at all.

There’s no need to learn so many things—time is limited. Mastering basic CSS is enough for me. Why bother with more? I’m not someone who makes a living as a front-end developer. What I need now is a way to earn a living, or at least something that brings me peace of mind.

19:49 After Dinner

So many thoughts.

Yesterday, I bought liangfen and liangpi, and it took me the whole day to finish them today. But these things aren’t filling—they’re mostly water, so I got hungry again quickly. Then, my stomach took control of my brain, ordering my mouth to eat an ice cream, a ham sausage, a fried egg, and a pot of vegetables.

Supermarket eggs are ridiculously cheap—only 3.99 yuan per pound—so I quickly put the packaged eggs in my cart back on the shelf.

Later, my mom asked me to go for a walk, but I was too lazy to move, so I told her to come to me instead.

21:42 Back from a Walk with Mom

I always get super hungry after walks. Came back and ate some fruit and bread—so much for losing weight.

22:14 Finished Writing a Reply to Huanhuan About Charlie

When similar incidents occur around us, there are many issues worth reflecting upon.

23:49 Some eternal things only can be discovered by ourselves

When we discuss things like love, truth, and the supreme goodness that others speak or write about, we need to be rational and recognize that the preciousness of these things lies in the fact that not everyone can see and recognize them.

Therefore, we must carefully discuss the things they write about, and firmly believe that our own judgment comes from our own things.

It’s time to sleep again. Need to go to bed early, or else I won’t be able to fall asleep.

Submitted all the code I wrote today.

10:34 Swelling and Pain Around My Eyes

Not sure if it’s because I slept face down, but this morning I woke up with a painful swelling around my eyes. Nothing seems to help—lying still in bed, applying a cold towel, sitting in meditation, or even DIY remedies—nothing works.

Might as well get up and take a shower. Even if I’m uncomfortable, life has to go on.

Tip

I learned that mom also feels dizzy at the middle of last night and this morning, so I guess that this may be food poisoning.
I rarely get dizzy.

11:17 Still a Headache

Did some coding, but now it’s not just my eyes—I feel terrible all over.

Warning

From now on, focus more on content creation and output, and open VSCode less!

16:05 Cooking

Today I’m making a stew with minced meat, potatoes, and tea tree mushrooms. Sounds absolutely delicious!
It’s already simmering. By evening, I’ll just add some veggies, and it’ll be ready to eat.

18:02 Headache Finally Eases Up

Did some more coding—added a heatmap to the About page. Realized that shortcodes can achieve endless functionalities, and treating them merely as div containers isn’t ideal for website development. So, I refactored the shortcodes for frequently used websites and blog links, separating data from the page structure for easier maintenance.

22:18 Back from a Walk with Mom

Lately, my exercise routine has been excessive—walking five or six kilometers every day. It’s a bit much for me, but Mom seems to enjoy it, probably because she gets bored at home.

My patience always wears thin when I’m with my parents—not sure if that’s good or bad. Maybe I should encourage them more instead of feeling impatient.

Got home and immediately felt hungry. Even though I’d already eaten dinner (and hadn’t even cleared the dishes yet), I had another meal. Eating made me feel much better.

23:13 Writing a Diary

After resting for a while, I got up to complete my diary entry and then submitted today’s code changes.

The sky is already bright, and I haven’t slept enough. So annoying.

12:30 Actually Getting Up Now

Made a simple lunch of ham and shredded pork noodles—delicious!

Then I started thinking about how many of the articles on my blog lack depth. Exposing shallow thoughts isn’t necessarily a good thing, and it also makes the blog structure messy.

So I restructured the blog’s categorization logic: removed diary entries from the homepage and archive page, created a separate menu button for them, and organized them by year.

Cherish every idea you have. Follow the thread of each thought and explore it carefully. Consider whether it’s worth writing about. If it is, then make sure to articulate each idea clearly.

Spending too much time realizing how precious time is can also be a waste of time.

22:37 Bought a Domain for 12 Bucks

Domain: jeapo.top or www.jeapo.top

Configuring the DNS resolution was a bit tricky. Now I understand it requires settings on both ends: Alibaba Cloud resolves to another network server, so accessing the domain will direct you to that server. If the server stores the domain’s information, it will provide the corresponding data to requests for that domain.

23:07 Time to Sleep

I won’t toss and turn before bed anymore; I’ll just play with my phone, hoping to get a good night’s sleep.

Electric blankets may affect sleep quality. This is just a speculation, but thinking back to times when I slept well, it was usually when the ambient temperature was lower than the blanket’s temperature, and the blanket’s warmth was evenly distributed. Electric blankets might create excessive heat or uneven heating, which could disrupt sleep.

12:02 Integrating Conventional Commits

Implemented Conventional Commits into the submission workflow. Since it’s a blog repository, I added the main article types. Later, I can analyze my commit history to track how I spend my time.

15:19 Doing laundry

Information, for humans, is like food and sexual desire.

As long as a person can continuously consume information, even someone without deep thoughts will experience a kind of physiological satisfaction. This is also why people are so obsessed with gossip.

This process may seem harmless, but it consumes a lot of time and leaves people feeling exhausted and empty.

Properly controlling and resisting such temptations allows us to recognize our own existence—rather than just being a vessel for generating and filling desires.

23:56 Late at night

Migrated Typehco’s articles to Hugo and did some initial optimizations for the archives page.

There are still so many things I want to do but haven’t gotten around to. Time to sleep—I’ll tackle them tomorrow when I wake up.

Regret…

The weather is unusually cold, making it feel like we’re still in the depths of winter. This morning, I checked the progress of my CSC application and saw that it was still stuck at “received by the handling unit.” Feeling a bit anxious, I called the exchange office of the Yunnan Provincial Department of Education. I tried twice in the morning but couldn’t get through, so I called again in the afternoon. They reassured me not to worry and said the teacher would handle it. That eased my mind a little.

At noon, I cooked some rice and reheated the leftovers from yesterday in a pan. The steaming hot rice was delicious—I ended up eating two big bowls.

In the future, I should try making more tasty dishes myself, like fish or fried chicken legs. It’s not difficult, and it’s definitely healthier than eating from street vendors.

Thinking about it, I’m actually quite suited for creative professions. I have an almost obsessive dedication to technical implementations or aesthetics. I should nurture this interest and ability more.

Starting tonight, I’ll go to bed before 11:00 p.m., and no later than 12:00 a.m. at the absolute latest.
Regardless of the harm late nights do to the body, staying up late ruins precious mornings.Jeapo

My habits have been quite poor lately—I often find myself mindlessly picking up my phone to scroll through videos on Bilibili or Douyin. This behavior wastes a lot of time and significantly harms both my eye health and my normal routine. I need to be more mindful. I believe this is achievable because I didn’t used to have this habit, and I’ve also realized that most of the time I spend watching these videos, I’m not even happy.

I need to cultivate awareness!

15:34 Finished Reviewing Mistakes

Sometimes I wonder whether recording these trivial daily details and mundane accounts is meaningless. But then I think again—these words are all traces of my existence, no matter how small or ordinary. Without them, I wouldn’t even remember what I did last Monday, what happened to me, or what emotional journey I went through. Perhaps one day, all of this will become my precious treasure, even if only I think so.

17:33 Played 3 Rounds of Plants vs. Zombies Hybrid Edition—Quite Stress-Relieving

Feeling a bit physically tired.

21:03 Back from a Walk

Sleep is the most important thing in life. Eating is too, but when you’re hungry, you can’t help but eat.

Today, I said to Huanhuan:

I was thinking—if we don’t have children in the future, what could replace the role of a child and become as strong a bond, something we’d strive for our entire lives?

I think shared ideals, building a career together, or pursuing interests could work.
Jeapo

Coincidentally, I came across an article titled Advice: Cultivate an “Output-Oriented” Hobby as Early as Possible, which further strengthened my thoughts.

22:35 Finished a Comprehensive Aptitude Test

Compared to the essay section, this really is just about copying from the material. The answers are all in the text—you just need to find them and reorganize them in the required format.

22:46 Added a rating Attribute

I added a rating attribute to my diary template to evaluate the importance and significance of each day. Unlike mood, sadness, pain, or happiness won’t affect the score—it’s solely meant to highlight the insights and reflections I’ve gained.

The rating ranges from 0 to 5, with rough numbers to avoid overthinking when filling it out. The rating is converted into icons before the day of the week—the higher the score, the darker the shading.

In short, growth earns a high score.

00:46 Finally Finished Debugging

Now I can use this data to analyze my long-term state. The later it gets, the more energetic I feel. Time to sleep.

Just finished debugging the code. There are always so many things to do in my own room—thinking about folding laundry, taking out the trash, what to eat for lunch… Before I knew it, a lot of time was wasted on these little tasks.

21:41 Finished a Vocational Aptitude Test

Scored in the top 35%. It was okay—still plenty of room for improvement.

This afternoon, I completed a set of “Comprehensive Application Ability” exercises, then cooked some rice and went grocery shopping in my pajama pants. Bought a lot of stuff: strawberries, choy sum, cabbage, tofu, and pork belly. Originally planned to make it last two days, but I got greedy and wanted to eat everything. Ended up not being able to finish it all by myself, so I called my brother over to share the meal.

My brother had to work overtime at noon and didn’t come over until 1 PM. I ate two bowls of rice at lunch and then three more bowls in the evening. Cooking for myself is terrifying—I always end up eating too much.

I was sluggish in the morning, fiddling with this and that, and before I knew it, the morning was gone. The printer keeps acting up a little—I’ll send it back and try a replacement.

Today, I worked through a set of practice tests. The Administrative Aptitude Test was manageable, but I still need more practice with summarization and synthesis for the Comprehensive Application Ability section. I should also familiarize myself with the basic formats of various writing styles. Tomorrow, I’ll tackle a few more test papers specifically to sharpen those skills.

I called home today to ask Mom how things were going. She said the land has been leased out, the cows have been sold, and the pigs are still a bit underpriced. Then my sister took Mom’s phone to talk to me—Ningning and Manman were as cheerful as ever. I noticed tears welling up in my sister’s eyes but didn’t press her about it at the time. Only after hanging up did I realize why. So, I wrote her a letter (letter_20250325201618.en), hoping it might bring her some comfort.

This noon, I stir-fried some Chinese toon, but it wasn’t particularly tasty. Instead, the toon aroma filled the entire room. After stir-frying it again, it turned out somewhat better.

I dragged myself out of bed slowly. The day before yesterday, I received an email stating that I would receive an annual funding of 25,000 CAD, with a minimum of 100,000 CAD over four years. At the time, the email mentioned logging into the system to accept the offer, so I spent the entire morning today checking but couldn’t find any new information to accept. I gave up.

In the afternoon, I worked on some “Administrative Aptitude Test” exercises. I realized that the electronic version I bought online was quite poor—printing out the test papers and doing them by hand was uncomfortable. It would have been better to just take the tests directly on the Fenbi official website.

Later, I cooked rice for dinner. While the rice was cooking, I went out to buy some fish mint. For dinner, I made stir-fried fish mint with ham, fried potatoes, vegetable soup, and cold-tossed fish mint. Everything was delicious, and I ended up eating two full bowls of rice.

In the evening, Professor Yu called to ask about the progress of my CSC application, and I felt quite guilty. In the future, I should promptly update my advisor on any developments regarding such matters. It was wrong of me to assume that the professor might have forgotten and avoid reaching out.

The exam lasted the entire day on Saturday, and the timing was extremely tight. As soon as I arrived at the test center, I felt the urgent need to use the restroom. However, each floor had only one restroom, and although the building appeared to have four floors, it was actually a quadrangle-style structure with four single floors combined. By the time it was my turn, there were only fifteen minutes left before the exam started. While waiting for someone else to finish, my mind was racing with thoughts—should I just relieve myself on the bathroom floor? I was really struggling to hold it in, and the exam was about to begin. In the end, I managed to uphold human civilization…

I barely finished both the “Administrative Aptitude Test” and the “Essay Writing” sections. There were simply too many questions, and I couldn’t afford to focus greedily on every scoring opportunity. At noon, Xiao Huanhuan ordered a lot of food, but we couldn’t finish it all. While I was taking the exam in the afternoon, Xiao Huanhuan visited the Guizhou Provincial Geological Museum.

When Xue Feng found out I was in Guiyang for the exam, he arranged for us to have dinner at his place today. It’s rare for the four of us from 1204 to get together, so after the exam, Xiao Huanhuan and I quickly took a taxi to Xue Feng’s house.

We ate, drank, and chatted until 11 PM, and I managed to get a relatively quiet night’s sleep. On Sunday morning, I woke up early and had breakfast with Xiao Kun and Xiao Xia at the old vegetarian noodle shop on Court Street, along with two portions of sticky rice that caused a bit of a quarrel between Huanhuan and me. Xiao Kun and Xiao Xia also took us out for pasta, and we ended up eating way too much.

After the meal, we headed straight to the North Station by subway to go home. Huanhuan’s dad prepared a huge feast, and we ate so much. I bought some milk and watermelon, and the out-of-season fruit tasted especially good when I was craving it.

This morning, after seeing Huanhuan off to work, we had noodles together. Mine was the “Iron Rice Bowl,” while hers was the “Executive Special.” After eating, I walked to Shengjing Square and finally found a restroom.

Since returning, I’ve been feeling extremely tired, as if no amount of sleep is enough. I played on my phone for a while and worked on my CSC application materials, but my eyes and head were so uncomfortable that I didn’t feel like doing anything. I’ll check again tomorrow morning, and if everything’s fine, I’ll head to Kunming in the afternoon.

Check the train ticket…

How ironic!

Today, while browsing Bilibili, I discovered that He Kaiwen and Tian Jing, once familiar English tutors, are now involved in deceptive practices.

Learning should primarily rely on serious textual materials, and only when things get too abstract should one turn to corresponding video explanations. This way, one can avoid being misled and make gradual progress.

22:38 Completed the 2023 Administrative Aptitude Test

Scored 73.63, my highest so far, but still went over the time limit by more than ten minutes. Facing numerous difficulties, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Recently, I got bitten a few times by some insect on my left shoulder, and it’s so itchy and uncomfortable.

In the morning, I did a set of essay questions for the civil service exam and only scored 57. The questions were quite challenging. After checking the answers, I felt anxious, worrying about this and that.

With a troubled heart, I took a nap. After waking up, I did a 10-minute meditation, which made me feel much better. It was quite effective. By the time I got up to review the morning’s answers, it was already past 3 PM. Feeling a bit stifled in the rental room, I packed my backpack with two sets of essay papers and headed to the library. I almost finished both sets, though I haven’t checked the answers for the second one yet.

In the evening, I did another set of “Administrative Aptitude Test” and scored 71, which is a significant improvement. However, I still haven’t found the knack for the common sense judgment section.

Tonight, I had a discussion with Huanhuan about praying and making wishes to deities. We explored the following questions:

1. What do people overlook when they make wishes to deities?
2. Do deities fulfill everyone’s wishes equally? Are there any costs or conditions?
3. Should we seek the help of deities, assuming they have the power?
4. How do we distinguish between ancestors and deities?
5. The image and abilities of deities.
6. The randomness and uncertainty of the world, and the role of human agency.
7. What attitude should we adopt towards deities? If it cannot be falsified, then its existence cannot be denied. To live with peace and ease, we naturally should minimize our exposure to things beyond our control.

This morning, I treated my colleagues on this floor to a cup of milk tea as a gesture of gratitude. Coincidentally, it’s also Women’s Day, so I could use that as a fitting occasion.

Sister Nan has been the most helpful to me and has taught me the most. Yesterday, I bought her a small potted plant. She seemed quite reluctant to see me go, and so was I.

Guo Xue and I didn’t have much interaction, but when the organization department came to our unit for a survey, she noticed me basking in the sun by the window. She then brought a heater from her other workstation and placed it beside me. This act warmed me more than the sunlight on my skin, and she is someone I particularly wanted to thank.

Xing Yinghui, Sister Xing, is also a wonderful person. Once, I arrived at work too early at noon, and the office door was still locked. Thinking that Sister Nan was still asleep, I didn’t open the door directly but instead played with my phone outside. Sister Xing saw me and, thinking I didn’t have a key, invited me to wait in their office. She always has a smile on her face and is a very kind person.

Zhou Qi, Brother Zhou, often shares knowledge with me and asks about my recent situation. When he sees my door open at the end of the day, he calls me to leave together. He even bought me milk tea once, for which I am especially grateful. Chen Ying from his office and I didn’t interact much, but we would smile and greet each other when we met. Everyone is really nice.

Guo Ziyan, Lü Qibin, Chen Jing, and Han Yang have all had some degree of interaction with me at work, and they are all very friendly. Each has their own unique traits, so I won’t elaborate on each one here.

Until we meet again, my friends!

I had the leftover braised rice from yesterday with Xiao Huanhuan. It was quite delicious, probably because I was hungry.

Water City is really cold.

18:43 Added Callout Notice Style to Hugo

My hands are freezing. Warming them by the fire, getting ready to study.

23:31 Goodnight

Make good use of your time every day, study more, and write more.

想学微观经济学、nano、lazyvim之类突然冒出的东西。还想去咸鱼捡一些电子垃圾来折腾，我今天可能是真的闲了。老毛病又犯了

17:40 整合了Obsidian启动Hugo的功能

又到饭点了，先学习一下申论。

21:38 想法

我应该去做测试工程师，因为我总是能发现各种系统的bug。包括去外面吃饭的时候，我也总能够遇到很少人能够遇到的事情，比如吃出纸巾、看到虫子头发之类的事情，不管是我自己挑的地方还是朋友带我去的地方。

23:36 时间不早了

晚上刷了刷历年真题，不免感慨现在的题目相比之前越来越难了。社会人拥有的平均知识在稳步上升，而幸福感却没有。