I want to have a good relaxing.

08:36 Woke up early

Not only did I not sleep well, I also woke up very early. I felt groggy all day, didn’t want to do anything, and couldn’t fall asleep even though I wanted to.

12:47 Conflict with Huan

I wanted to continue sleeping more, but I can’t fall asleep.I got up and quickly made myself something to eat.Huan and I had a fight last night. Every time we argue, it drains our energy.

I played games for over an hour this afternoon, but I didn’t feel any joy.Utterly disappointed, I uninstalled the game. I had a pent-up emotion I wanted to release, but I didn’t know how. So I slapped myself hard twice.

That evening, I told Huanhuan about a possible solution.Perhaps we can reduce communication, especially voice or video communication.This is too easy to cause conflict.

The crucial point is to prioritize our sleep.

Last night, I scolded Huan again. She mistakenly thought a 12-year-old girl was a single mother; I felt her perception of reality was way off. I made her stay up late again, and now I feel a bit guilty about it.

📝 Obsidian & Neovim

I ran into an error with my Obsidian template in Neovim. It took a long time to troubleshoot and fix.

🍕 The Buffet Experience

Jian messaged me this afternoon saying he was coming to Southgate Mall to hang out. We decided to grab a box of buns and then head to a buffet.

I definitely overate. For the first five minutes, the food was delicious—I even told Jian it was the best food in Edmonton. However, about fifteen minutes later, the flavors started to feel very “Canadian style”: heavy, sweet, and greasy. As soon as I got home, I had to run to the bathroom.

📞 Video Call

I had a group call with Kun & Xia, Fang & Quan, and Huan. We just caught up and chatted. We also talked about the passing of Fengxian’s grandfather. He was the most important person in her life. I feel terrible for her loss and wish there was more I could do, but I know she is a strong woman and will get through this.

After the call, I started working on my assignment. I’ve really come to enjoy using Quarto and LaTeX to complete my homework; the results look very professional.

The weather was so beautiful today that I decided to go for a walk. I found a park bench and called my parents. My mom mentioned she wanted to take a job planting trees all day for only 60 RMB a day. I spent a long time trying to persuade her not to do it. She has spent her entire life working the soil, and I really want her to finally just relax and enjoy a peaceful life.

As it started to get dark, we hung up, and I stopped by Safeway to pick up some groceries.

On my way back, a man from Somalia struck up a conversation with me. It was a nice interaction, and it made me realize that I should head to the park or go for walks more frequently whenever the weather is this nice.

In the morning, Luis invited me to a breakfast event, but I turned him down. He then called Amir, who suggested that Luis ask me one more time, but I declined again.

However, when they returned, Luis brought a burger back for me. I felt a bit guilty and embarrassed for having said no so many times when he was being so thoughtful. To make up for it, I shared some meat and an egg with him during lunch, which made me feel a little better.

In the afternoon, Amir interrupted me more than five times within a thirty-minute span. I was starting to get annoyed, so I finally said, “Let me focus on my work for a while,” and put on my noise-canceling earphones. I think he picked up on my mood because he didn’t speak to me again until 5 PM.

On top of that, I had classes all day today. Three classes were truly draining.

In the morning and again in the evening, Xiaohuan and I got into some confusing arguments over things that didn’t really make sense. Perhaps we both need to read more, experience more, and feel more.

In the afternoon, I decided to wash my bedsheets and small blanket to freshen them up and get rid of the dust. The dry weather in Edmonton makes everything get dusty so quickly!

However, the washing machine was completely useless with my small blanket. When the cycle finished, it was still sopping wet. I naively thought the dryer might still be able to handle it, even in that state.

Instead, the wet blanket ended up cleaning the inside of the dryer rather than getting dry. Eventually, I had no choice but to take everything out, wash them by hand, and wring them out myself. I’m planning to let them air-dry overnight before trying the dryer again tomorrow.

What bad luck—and I’m out six dollars in laundry fees!

I helped Huan register for a Mastodon account this evening. I don’t know why she had so much trouble doing it before. I was getting a little impatient and angry about this.

For lunch I had porridge and stir‑fried edamame with pork. For dinner I had instant noodles and some shredded pancake.

I watched a video today. I’ve always agreed with its main message, but seeing it again still served as a reminder.

Coming from a poor family, having the chance to study like this isn’t easy. I should cherish it, work hard, and not waste the opportunity.

My roommate came back today.

It’s easy to read and write side by side with the iPad, and easy to insert attachment. [[Obsidian]] is the best application to edit text. #app

I got [[insomnia]] last night so too worn out now.

11:00 Ohhhhh

Too easy to insert time in [[obsidian]]. And it has the more powerful template plugin; I don’t think Logseq can catch up to Obsidian some day.

Continue argued with Huan.

Tired.

Good night

Unless gambling and drug abuse, we should give anything else more tolerance.

I redeemed an extra large coffee at Tim Hortons by points. I drank too much coffee and I first time felt the power of coffee; I thought it was useless before.

Dr. Zhao bought us some rams, so our computers get a legendary upgrade by adding another 16 gb ram. It’s very nice.

I almost made a mistake again today, the due date of assignment 5 is today’s 12 pm. I thought it is the midnight of today.

Fortunately, I submitted it about 11 am, and I even reminded amir don’t forget to submit it at 12 pm. And then he told me about that.

I and amir originally decided to attend an event for pizza, but I didn’t go because I felt very sleepy at that time.

Therefore, amir got sad and angry, but I also don’t like others to force me to do some things. I preferred for choosing the way made me comfortable.

When we met each other again, he looked like enemy and said some bad words. It’s a really good opportunity for us to know each other deeply.

I upgraded my Xiaomi 10 to Evolution X last mid-night.

Today, Amir broke the appointment we made last night again. He wanted to eat fried chicken before.

I made some shrimp and fish for snacks.

Huan bought a new Pura X a long time ago, but she didn’t tell me.

Recently, our exchanges through letters have become fewer, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Most of the time, we’re able to openly and sincerely share our thoughts with each other. However, there are things that our clumsy tongues can’t quite express—words on paper still carry a unique power.

Lately, I’ve noticed that something seems off with you. I’ve asked you about it, and your response was that you’re worried about the upcoming separation we’ll soon face.
That’s something I think about every day, too. But with you, I’ve also detected another subtle shift—something about the feeling of love, or the lack thereof.

From our conversations, I sense that you might feel the love between us is fading. You’ve started to interpret moments—like when I don’t glance at you for a few seconds because my phone is in my hand—as signs that I’ve changed. And I, too, have noticed that our conversations aren’t as frequent as before, that perhaps you’re sharing a little less with me.

Recently, I’ve been making a conscious effort to go to bed earlier after a period of late nights. I think it’ll be better for both our mental states. But every night when I say goodnight to you, I can’t help but pick up on your low spirits.

In those moments, I wonder: Is she thinking that I don’t want to talk to her anymore? Neither of us wants to hang up, but the night is indeed late. You have to work hard every day, and if I stay up too late, I’ll feel drained and my eyes will ache. So, almost always, I’m the one who suggests ending the call. It seems like such a tiny thing, but I imagine someone as sensitive as you might overthink it.

Solving small problems is both simple and hard. If we were together, there’d be no room for unnecessary thoughts or issues. The difficulty lies in the reality that we can’t be together every day, and so these things arise.

Additionally, my recent semi-reclusive lifestyle means I might not have as much to share, but I still want to stay connected with you as much as possible, especially when you have free time. Your friends, studies, and other commitments are important too, and I always try to show full respect for them—but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.

I believe the bond between us hasn’t weakened—at least, not on my end. In fact, you’ve become the vast majority of my social time.

Change and constancy are both objective truths. We must pay attention to what shifts, but we must also hold tightly to what remains eternal.

Love,
Zhuzhu

May 30, 2025, Night

The night is quiet, with only the occasional whisper of the wind brushing past the window. The dim glow of streetlights filters through the curtains, casting faint shadows on the walls.

Time slips away unnoticed, like grains of sand between fingers. The world outside is hushed, as if holding its breath in anticipation of something unknown. Thoughts drift aimlessly, carried by the stillness of the hour.

Perhaps this is the essence of night—a moment suspended between yesterday and tomorrow, a fleeting pause in the relentless march of time.

May 30, 2025, night.

I used too little oil for frying the chicken, so the meat didn’t dry out enough. I overlooked the saltiness of the fermented bean paste, which led to oversalting.

I accidentally set the rice cooker to “keep warm” instead of “cook,” so I took the opportunity to fry a potato and mix it in. I continued stir-frying the chicken over low heat, and by adding the potato, the spicy chicken dish turned into a dry pot chicken with potatoes.

The potato helped balance out the saltiness, so it turned out fairly successful.

18:34 Taking Notes Can Improve Focus

Clear and logical notes have a creative aspect to them, providing a certain level of positive feedback that helps enhance concentration.

Sometimes, impatience makes the process feel slow, but remember: slow is fast.

22:36 Learning to Use GeoGebra

Today, I had a need for drawing graphs. I had always used matplotlib before, but today I realized that for simple calculations and plotting, GeoGebra is incredibly convenient. No need to write extra code—just input the function directly.

22:40 Mom Feels Like She’s Good at Nothing

Mom came to Shuicheng to help my brother and sister-in-law take care of their child. Differences in opinions often arise over small things, like what the child should eat or whether they should wear more or less clothing. Mom has always been the type to endure in silence, and it seems she can’t assert any of her own opinions here. This has led her to feel unacknowledged. During the day, when the child’s parents are at work, she feels heartbroken seeing the child uncomfortable.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts often stem from these trivial matters, with one side usually feeling wronged. I believe people should be on equal footing. Mom isn’t just a machine that follows orders—she’s a woman with rich experience as an elder. I want to encourage her to fight for her right to speak, even if it leads to unpleasant consequences.

I want her to communicate with my brother and sister-in-law: their roles are the same—they are both caregivers and guardians of the baby. They should have equal authority and be able to make decisions based on their own judgment during their respective caregiving times. Others, when not in a position to supervise, should also trust the person currently responsible for caregiving.

After discussing it with Huanhuan, I realized communication is quite difficult, especially when people are biased or unwilling to engage. Facing the conflict head-on and standing up for one’s rights is actually the easier approach. Focus more on your own feelings and don’t fear conflict.

23:31 If It’s All Love, Why Does Conflict Arise?

My brother and sister-in-law’s love for Xiaoyu is real, and Mom’s love for Xiaoyu is real too. So why do conflicts arise when it comes to practical matters? The key lies in people’s biases and lack of trust in each other—both of which are foolish.

I believe raising a child isn’t all that difficult. Occasionally eating a little more or less, or wearing a little more or less, won’t affect the child’s growth.

On the contrary, the conflicts that arise from these disagreements may end up hurting the very people who should be close.

Coming to my home has hurt you deeply, and seeing you in pain makes my heart ache as well. I’ve never believed that marriage must have parental blessings to be happy—happiness is something we define for ourselves. Our relationship, including the decision to marry, was made thoughtfully by the two of us. How many of our parents’ generation married for love? At least my parents didn’t. My father, in particular, carries more of a sense of responsibility than love. Perhaps his perspective has limited his ability to recognize or feel love, but that doesn’t mean our happiness needs his approval.

Regarding the word “disdain,” I want to apologize. Those words were hurtful, but my father wouldn’t truly act that way in reality. Later, I also realized he knew he was wrong—unfortunately, he doesn’t know how to apologize or admit fault, maybe because of his pride as an elder. If he truly behaved that way toward your family, I would choose to distance myself from him. I don’t expect him to accept us. I’ll consciously dismiss his unreasonable, negative remarks as just words—nothing more—and not let them weigh on my heart or make you suffer. No matter what happens, I’ll remain as firm as I was last night, standing my ground without hesitation. Whatever comes next, leave it to me.

I love your home, Zhuzhu. Your parents, your brother and sister—they’re warm and optimistic. That lively, joyful atmosphere is something I’ve never experienced in my own family. Ours has always been so quiet and cold, which is why holidays never meant much to me—until I came to your home. Here, I finally felt the warmth and liveliness of a family. I adore every one of them, and these past few days have been so comfortable and freeing for me. The only thing on my mind was how I could contribute.

During my time here, I’ve seen your mother rise early to light the stove, watched the children gather happily around the table to eat, and noticed the busy yet cheerful smiles. I’ve seen your father holding little Yubao with such joy and reluctance in his eyes. I’ve heard your sister affectionately call out to Dalong and Dapeng, as if catching a glimpse of your childhood—Manman and Ningning’s laughter and playfulness, so innocent and carefree. All of this feels like a distant dream to me, a precious experience I’ve never had. That night on the rooftop, bathed in starlight and mist, my heart began to long for this kind of life and beauty. Because of you, I suddenly see family life in vibrant color, breaking through the rigid black-and-white order of my own home.

Last night, seeing you cry and feeling heartbroken for your mother—I understand completely. When someone spoke poorly of my mother before, I felt the same pain. It hurts to think of everything she’s done for others in her life, only to be looked down upon or disliked because of one wrong decision. Even if it were my grandfather, I would speak up for her. Our mothers are ordinary yet extraordinary—kind-hearted, hardworking, and endlessly giving for their families. Their bright laughter is one of the most precious things in this world!

Love,
[Your Name]

Zhu Zhu, our future is our own, it lies within us, so don’t be afraid. No matter what happens, I will stand firmly by your side to face all uncertainties and challenges together. We will grow, progress, and move forward hand in hand, so don’t be afraid!