中午 Luis 叫我去参加一个活动，本来不想去的。但是看到刚好是 James 组织的活动，之前胡老师一直叫我去蹭饭学英语。一向拒绝的我便答应了 Luis。

一到 James 家我就后悔了，可多人了，一共有快四五十人，鞋子堆满了门口。大家都非常热情和友善，可我面对这种场合就会感觉有些难受。和几个人聊了一会之后，开始吃饭了。吃的非常丰富，也不难吃，意面，汉堡， 水果，沙拉，凉拌粉丝。吃完去楼下参加活动，参加完活动说不祈祷的可以上二楼去了。我坚持要求 Luis 留下，因为我想了解不同的文化。

他们先是一起唱了两首歌，这是我最平静和舒适的环节了。然后有人做演讲，中间一直穿插着一些浅显讨论，我最讨厌的环节。最后分享了几句圣经中的语录就结束了。然后开始上楼吃冰激凌和点心。

吃完就已经非常晚了，我们不得不回家了。Luis 和一个女孩聊着忘记了走，我直接给他把所有的东西拿好带他走了。

Timing for Scooping Out Peanuts

When just 3-5 peanuts start turning golden, immediately turn off the heat, move the pan, and scoop them out. Any delay of a few seconds in these steps will result in overcooking.

In the morning, I finished watching Wang Defeng’s lecture on The Great Learning. In the afternoon, I watched Mission: Impossible – Fallout.

In the evening, I watched Wang Defeng’s lecture on The Platform Sutra. Though I felt like I gained nothing, I came to understand the spiritual worlds of others and realized my own shallowness.

Feeling discontent with the current situation and uncertain about the future inevitably leads to anxiety. When will life reach its conclusion? Is death truly the only endpoint?

The rankings for the Emergency Management Bureau interview have been released, which has significantly boosted my confidence. Link: Announcement of Comprehensive Evaluation (Interview) Results Ranking for the 2025 Talent Recruitment of the Affiliated Institutions under the Liupanshui Emergency Management Bureau

20:03 Studying The Great Learning

My teeth have been hurting all day, likely due to the medication I’ve been taking. Fortunately, my eyes aren’t as uncomfortable as they were yesterday.

A few days ago, I listened to Yuantingshansheng’s reading of The Great Learning on the Himalaya App. This afternoon, feeling unmotivated to do anything else, I decided to take a serious look at this foremost of the Four Books.

I watched Wang Defeng’s lecture on Bilibili and gained a lot from it.

22:46 Lying in Bed Watching Mission: Impossible

The toothache was unbearable, so I wanted to distract myself. At first, I considered gaming—I only have Honor of Kings and chess on my phone. The former seemed boring just thinking about it, and the latter requires too much brainpower. In the end, I decided to watch a movie instead. Earlier today, I saw news that Mission: Impossible 8 is about to be released, so I searched for Mission: Impossible 1 on Bilibili and started watching.

17:39 Finished reading Flowers for Algernon

Yesterday, I read about two-thirds of the book and wrote a letter to Huanhuan: Seeing True Love Is a Difficult Thing.

But after finishing the book, I had more thoughts. I pondered the differences between the same person named Charlie at an IQ of 185 versus 68. I reflected on how society overlooks individual lives and existence, from small things like the purpose of brain surgery to larger issues like various experiments, policies, and wars in society. This world is full of selfish people, and harm caused by selfishness is everywhere. On different scales, each of us could be a victim like Charlie, or we might inadvertently become perpetrators.

As for love, it seems like an elusive thing. Was the love between Charlie and Alice real and eternal? Clearly not. Love requires conditions and capability; otherwise, Charlie wouldn’t have pushed Alice away as he rapidly deteriorated. But perhaps choosing not to love is also a deeper form of love.

And what about Fay? Couldn’t the connection between her and Charlie be called love? Fay saw the charming qualities in Charlie and harbored no ill intentions. Her departure was only because Charlie wanted her to leave. Could it be that the foolish Charlie always adored Alice, while Fay was the partner the intelligent Charlie chose and desired? To answer this, perhaps we need to reverse the question and define precisely what is not love.

19:46 After dinner

I love potatoes stir-fried until golden, with a bit of salt and chili, paired with freshly steamed hot rice and a pot of vegetables. Delicious.

There are too many slapdash operations. Suddenly, many institutions and official sources announced the release of provincial exam rankings, and everyone thought they were really out—but they weren’t. Is it so hard to release the results, or does someone have other ideas?

22:17 Back from a walk with Mom

After dinner today, I called Mom again, and she still wanted to come out for a walk to get familiar with the route. I was feeling particularly lazy, so I called Mom and asked her to come find me along Xiangyang Road, giving her a chance to get more familiar with the area.

Tomorrow, I need to focus on practicing some questions—I have an exam to take this weekend.

Fix

Additionally, a few days ago, I noticed that the back cover of my phone was cracked, so I ordered a new one from Taobao. It arrived today. I couldn’t wait to pick it up from the delivery station. After using a hairdryer to soften the adhesive and cleaning off the residual glue, I replaced it with the new back cover. The result is relatively perfect, though not an absolutely seamless fit.

“If you were Charlie, would you choose to undergo the surgery?” you asked in your last letter.

At the time, my answer was no—ignorance is bliss. But after reading most of the book, I’ve begun to reconsider—this time, through the lens of love.

In the first half of Flowers for Algernon, I had always believed that Charlie’s mother, Rose, was the only person in the world who truly cared for and loved him. I even mistook his father Matt’s calm demeanor for indifference. When everyone else had given up hope that Charlie could ever become “normal,” I was moved by Rose’s relentless determination—whether she was scolding Charlie, pleading with doctors, or arguing with Matt.

But everything changed with Norma’s arrival. It became clear that Rose’s persistence wasn’t about Charlie’s well-being; it was about proving to others that her child wasn’t an idiot—or that she wasn’t the reason for his condition.

The more she tried to prove herself, the more desperate she appeared, the more she clung to the hope of Charlie becoming “smart”—all of which only revealed her subconscious disdain for him. This subconscious rejection ultimately manifested in her threatening Matt with a knife, forcing him to take Charlie away that very night.

In contrast, Matt’s attitude was far more rational and genuine. He believed Charlie had the right to live his own life, even if it was the life of a “simpleton.” He was more concerned with his own survival, with the things he despised and the things he desired. His lack of obsession, his refusal to force anything—that was his way of respecting Charlie.

Now, back to your question: Would we choose the surgery? I think, more often than not, if we were in Charlie’s shoes, we wouldn’t actually have the luxury of choosing the life we want.

What I’ve been pondering instead is: What if we were Rose? Or Matt? Or Norma? Or even Alice? What would we do? That feels more realistic, more practically meaningful for the future. After all, we’re bound to encounter people like Charlie—strangers, neighbors, relatives, children, even friends. Would they be friends?

Could the people in the book be someone we know in real life? If we were Charlie, would we resent them? Would Norma resent her parents? Probably not.

Recognizing true love is difficult. Most of the time, we’re just Charlie wetting his pants, not the Charlie with superhuman intelligence.

Maybe not recognizing it is the better choice—just like refusing the surgery might be.

Love,
Zhuzhu
April 14, 2025

P.S. Character relationship chart:

Recently, my work has started to slow down. I really love this grounded feeling of focusing intensely to finish tasks and then leisurely sending emails. Today is Friday, and we’ll be seeing each other soon. Just thinking about it makes my heart play Like Sunday, Like Rain uncontrollably—haha, I’ve been completely obsessed with this song lately.

I want to share with you a book I just finished: Flowers for Algernon. By the end, I was sobbing uncontrollably, secretly shedding “little pearls” again.

The protagonist, Charlie Gordon, is a man with an intellectual disability. He is kind-hearted, diligent at work, and eager to become smarter, but due to his congenital condition, he faces constant discrimination. One day, he is selected to participate in a scientific experiment. The experiment successfully enhanced the intelligence of a white mouse named Algernon, and now Charlie is the human subject, undergoing brain surgery to boost his intellect. After the surgery, Charlie’s IQ skyrockets. He attends university, studies, and becomes a knowledgeable genius. But as his mind awakens, he begins to recall lost familial love from his childhood, the mockery and exclusion from his so-called “friends,” and the complexities of human nature in modern society. He realizes that even after becoming smarter, the things he thought he would gain start to crumble. To the experimenters, he is merely a successful test subject, not a person deserving of respect, care, or acceptance.

Later, Algernon’s intelligence suddenly declines, and he dies. Through his research, Charlie discovers that the intelligence enhancement is only temporary, inevitably followed by decline and death. Charlie faces the agony of a countdown to his end, slowly approaching death.

After finishing the book, I began pondering some questions.

What is a person?

I remember that night when you asked me, “What is a person?” At the time, I answered from a biological perspective, but your answer was, “A person is the sum of social relationships.” Throughout the book, after Charlie gains high intelligence, he repeats over and over, “I am a person. I was a person even before the surgery.” Whether now or in the past, what we pursue as “personhood” is no longer just about using tools, thinking, or walking upright. It carries a strong social dimension—we crave recognition, care, and fulfillment. But was Charlie, with his intellectual disability, not a person before? He was kind, sincere, hardworking, self-sufficient, and persistent in learning. In my heart, he already surpassed many so-called “normal” people.

Does enhanced intelligence make one a person?

I don’t think so. If someone’s intelligence is heightened but they lack emotions, they’re no different from a cold machine. The book says, “Without the tempering of human emotions, intelligence and education are utterly worthless.” The measure of a person shouldn’t rely solely on scientific metrics. Extraordinary intelligence doesn’t grant someone a radiant soul. As independent individuals within social relationships, learning helps us cultivate better personalities. And the bonds we form with others allow us to better understand ourselves and the world.

If you were Charlie, would you undergo the surgery? (What about you, Zhuzhu?)

I think I would. Even if it meant facing the pain of intellectual decline and death like he did, I’d still choose it. Looking at Charlie’s life, his “moment of brilliance” was fleeting, but it was largely fulfilling. After his intelligence improved, he acquired vast knowledge, mastered multiple languages, and conducted independent research. When he learned his intelligence would decline, he returned to the home he had lost and regained warmth from his family. He found love and realized it wasn’t just about physical intimacy. He went back to the bakery where he once worked and found true friends. Those around him, upon learning of his journey, came to respect his courage and pursuit, and Charlie ultimately earned recognition as a person. If I were destined to live a stable but ignorant life in darkness, but had even a sliver of a chance to grasp the light, I’d choose that path without hesitation, just like Charlie.

Zhuzhu, I think whether we’re in darkness or light, or whether others are in darkness or light, we must always strive for the world and the love we originally envisioned. In that world, we treat every life as equal and worthy of respect, never mocking others or flaunting our arrogance.

The book opens with a quote from Plato’s Republic:

“Anyone with common sense remembers that the eyes can be confused in two ways and from two causes: coming from light into darkness or from darkness into light. The same applies to the mind’s eye. When someone sees a soul confused and unable to see clearly, they shouldn’t laugh mindlessly but ask whether this soul has just come from a brighter life and is unable to see because it’s unaccustomed to the dark, or whether it’s come from darkness into the light and is dazzled by the brilliance. They would consider one happy for their condition and circumstances, and pity the other. Or if they must laugh at the soul emerging from the light, their laughter would be less absurd than laughing at the soul returning from the darkness into the light.”

Love,
Huanhuan

March 28, 2025