17:39 Finished reading Flowers for Algernon

Yesterday, I read about two-thirds of the book and wrote a letter to Huanhuan: Seeing True Love Is a Difficult Thing.

But after finishing the book, I had more thoughts. I pondered the differences between the same person named Charlie at an IQ of 185 versus 68. I reflected on how society overlooks individual lives and existence, from small things like the purpose of brain surgery to larger issues like various experiments, policies, and wars in society. This world is full of selfish people, and harm caused by selfishness is everywhere. On different scales, each of us could be a victim like Charlie, or we might inadvertently become perpetrators.

As for love, it seems like an elusive thing. Was the love between Charlie and Alice real and eternal? Clearly not. Love requires conditions and capability; otherwise, Charlie wouldn’t have pushed Alice away as he rapidly deteriorated. But perhaps choosing not to love is also a deeper form of love.

And what about Fay? Couldn’t the connection between her and Charlie be called love? Fay saw the charming qualities in Charlie and harbored no ill intentions. Her departure was only because Charlie wanted her to leave. Could it be that the foolish Charlie always adored Alice, while Fay was the partner the intelligent Charlie chose and desired? To answer this, perhaps we need to reverse the question and define precisely what is not love.

19:46 After dinner

I love potatoes stir-fried until golden, with a bit of salt and chili, paired with freshly steamed hot rice and a pot of vegetables. Delicious.

There are too many slapdash operations. Suddenly, many institutions and official sources announced the release of provincial exam rankings, and everyone thought they were really out—but they weren’t. Is it so hard to release the results, or does someone have other ideas?

22:17 Back from a walk with Mom

After dinner today, I called Mom again, and she still wanted to come out for a walk to get familiar with the route. I was feeling particularly lazy, so I called Mom and asked her to come find me along Xiangyang Road, giving her a chance to get more familiar with the area.

Tomorrow, I need to focus on practicing some questions—I have an exam to take this weekend.

Fix

Additionally, a few days ago, I noticed that the back cover of my phone was cracked, so I ordered a new one from Taobao. It arrived today. I couldn’t wait to pick it up from the delivery station. After using a hairdryer to soften the adhesive and cleaning off the residual glue, I replaced it with the new back cover. The result is relatively perfect, though not an absolutely seamless fit.

There are many people in this world who possess extraordinary talents, minds, and inspirations. They often create works that strike a chord with people’s hearts. They can shape the world through their creations, or at the very least, earn a living by exchanging their works for sustenance.

A minute ago, I was also pondering what meaningful things I could do that would also keep me from starving. Based on my own growth experiences and areas of expertise, I came up with two plausible answers. One is developing software, and the other is writing. Unfortunately, neither of these has brought me any profit so far, mainly because I haven’t produced or created anything worth paying for. I haven’t soothed people’s weary bodies nor touched their souls, which is the root cause of my failure.

It’s not that I want to do these two things for money; fundamentally, I love these activities, though the extent of my passion might make you question it. This leads to comparisons. The gap between me and other successful developers lies in the fact that I haven’t invested enough time in this field. If I had been admitted to the information security major, things might have been very different. Many things I’m interested in have been abandoned due to my laziness, procrastination, and other commitments.

Comparing myself to literary giants naturally leads to a clear conclusion. I also haven’t invested enough time in this endeavor. Additionally, I’m not particularly skilled at writing, which was evident from the very beginning of my learning process. I lack the necessary sense of rendering,铺垫, and修辞 that writing requires. I write merely to express the restless thoughts in my mind, which command my mediocre body, and I have no choice but to obey her orders, thus conveying her commands through my fingertips.

I believe my mind is the same as those of literary giants; they have the same bizarre, beautiful, absurd, tragic, and ugly thoughts. But my mediocre body hasn’t been honed through socialization and technical training, which makes me compare and feel envious. I also want to become a literary giant, to captivate, shock, and touch souls with just the clatter of my fingertips.

Perhaps it’s the desperation that breeds change. My brain only gives me commands to execute, never offering any reward. The current dire situation forces me to think about how to quietly engage in a side hustle while carrying out these orders. I think, perhaps with my peculiar and whimsical ideas, I could become a comforter of souls, offering services to souls in exchange for their rewards.